It's a bird. It's a plane. It's Sister Siena!

This is a Nun. This is a Super-Nun. This is a Super-Nun at Siena.

To be inspired, read and see what she's up to in the new R(e)flections magazine. (I used to edit the Reflections magazine, back in the younger day 18 years or so ago!)

Sister Pat started teaching at Siena sometime while I was a student. After watching the video, I know that she's the same vibrant, caring, action heroine that I remember after (that's right!) 20 years. Seeing her and listening to her just now brought me home to Siena.

Competent, purposeful, ethical.

She epitomizes it. The best that I can do...try to live it in my own way. I am competent to the best of my ability. I try to be purposeful, although at times I am lazy, but in a recuperative way. I am ethical - no doubt (not the band, but the sentiment).

Sister Pat does good work. She has staying power at Siena and in my memory.

Hello...George!

George Clooney and his girlfriend have split up after a year of dating.

George, please, it's about time. You are old enough to be her father. Was she even allowed to watch TV when you were on Facts of Life in the 80s? There are so many available, beautiful, interesting, intelligent, hardworking, and mature women who would appreciate your company.

You can pick me up on Friday at 7 p.m. I'll be ready.

How a brain functions...autism?

Jill Bolte Taylor got a research opportunity few brain scientists would wish for: She had a massive stroke, and watched as her brain functions -- motion, speech, self-awareness –- shut down one by one. An astonishing story.

http://www.ted.com/talks/view/id/229

(available at www.TED.com)

I've watched this video two times already today, and I'll probably watch it several more times. My brother Greg sent the link to me. Sometimes, he sends me scary and weird things, but this one is a gem. I started to watch it and called my 13-year-old into the room to watch it with me. I asked my Mother to watch it. (I think she was slightly skeptical and that it made her sad.) I sent the link to some family/friends and to teachers of my 9-year-old daughter who has autism.

My intent was to show a glimpse into my daughter's head. Here, in the video, an educated adult explains how hard it is to think when there's been a trauma to your brain (in the scientist's case, a stroke; in Sophie's case, vaccine damage). She also explains vividly how each hemisphere thinks differently.

I think that my autie-girl thinks in some of those same ways.

Even though I shared the link with others, the video is still in my head. I just really needed to pick it apart and talk more about it. So, I'm watching it again, and making notes here. My comments in italics.

Jill the scientist's interest stemmed from her brother's schizophrenia. She said that he could not connect his dream into reality.

People say that autistics live in their own worlds.

Jill says that the two sides of the brain are completely separate, but communicate. They process things differently; they have different personalities.

Autistics process ideas differently than non-autistics.

The right hemisphere is about right here and now. It learns through our bodies, movement, energy. Our senses!

Sophie learns best by doing, not being being told how to do something. She wants things now, when she wants them. Patience was not easy, but she has learned to have some.

The left hemisphere thinks linearly, about the past and the future. It takes the collage of the present moment and organizes it.

Sophie needs time to process and organize all those floating details.

The left side thinks in language.

Sophie thinks in pictures.

It's the voice that says I am separate from the world and others in it.

Sophie thinks that we are here to serve her, that we should know what she wants, what she is thinking.

Jill describes the way that she viewed her body during the beginning of her stroke. Her reality had shifted that she was part of some larger space, that she is moving in slow motion, that she lost her balance, that she cannot define the boundaries of her body. Her body was blended with inanimate space.

Sophie does not have good control over her large motor skills or her fine motor skills. She is strong, but does not know her own strength. (I think that Bambam from the Flintstones was autistic.) She can run fast, but might stumble. It's taken years, but she can use scissors. She cannot color within the lines though.

Jill was, at one point, in her silent mind, but was captivated by the energy around her.

Sophie loves the world around, maybe because she sees herself as part of it, a fast car ride on a sunny day filled with shadows, a blustery day of leaves twirling and twittering, the chaos of books, movies, toys, blankets, scarves scattered haphazardly about her room, and her favorite... the twirl and glimmer of beads as they extend from her hand in the most creative and natural way.

Jill said the right side sees/feels euphorically.

Autistics sometimes laugh and giggle and get excited for no apparent reason that a non-autistic can detect.

It Jill 45 minutes to figure out how to call her office for help.

Autistics need time to process.

When Jill woke up at the hospital, her sensory system was overloaded. Light burned her eyes. Sounds were so loud that she could not pick out a specific voice. She couldn't identify her body in the space.

I think that sometimes, Sophie becomes overloaded. She squeezed her eyes shut tight. She covers her ears. She consistently requests that I rub her arms and legs. Maybe so she knows where they are?

Thinking with the right side is peaceful.

Autistics do not lie or cheat.

If you could choose how your brain functioned, which side would be dominant?

Memorial Day (Weekend)

At work yesterday, a few people asked me what my big plans for the weekend are.

Well, I do realize that for most people Memorial Day is day off work, and I am not complaining about that! Most folks plan to go up north or to the lake or to have big barbecue in their own backyard. As well they should! We all work hard enough during the week and deserve a mini-holiday.

However, some seemed surprised when I said my only real plan is what I plan every year at this time...to go to the cemetery. This morning, I'll take my daughters and pick up my Mother. She's bought a few plants, and we'll place them on the graves of people we remember. This is in preparation for the actual day. Today, we'll visit each family member, and it'll be light-hearted. We'll be doing something, and Hannah will be asking questions, trying to remember where some of the older relatives are.

On Monday, I'll go by the cemetery again. But then, I will go to my Dad's grave, and place my hand on my heart and I will remember and pray.

We remember how you loved us to Your death,
And still we celebrate for You are with us here.
And we believe that we will see You when you come in Your glory, Lord.
We remember, we celebrate, we believe!

Air Exchangers?

Anyone know anything about air exchangers between connecting buildings?

I have a 20 mph (estimated, maybe exaggerated, but definitely annoying) wind blowing on the back of me all day long.

My skin is drier than it's been since I had a gall bladder.

I cannot breathe through my nose.

My eyes are dry.

My ears are plugged from the constant noise. (It sounds like a cold, winter wind blowing in the middle of a dark night.)

My hands get so cold that I can barely type.

I am in sensory overload. Sensory overload causes lack of focus. What was I talking about? Oh...

I was really looking forward to being so, so, so productive in my new cube/pod space. I don't know why it's so hard to get someone to take this seriously. You'd think that creating a non-offensive workspace would be a reasonable request.

I get the standard, pat answer, "We've checked, and everything is fine. "

When did they check? I haven't seen anyone checking anything around here during the work day.

Oh, how I long for the open, fresh air of Oklahoma! (Maria showed me a blog (http://thepioneerwoman.com/confessions/) with Oklahoman Rancher, who is looking for a new wife. hehehe)

Magnets

Why is it that what I push away...I attract?

It was always that way. It's like he could feel me pulling away, forgetting, moving on, whatever it was, and that's when he would reach out, pull, or cajole.

Over the last few years, I've deleted thousands and thousands of emails. Just a few nights ago, I finally deleted his cell number from my mobile phone. I deleted him.

So, today, he emails and calls.

So, why didn't his engagement work out? He says it's my fault. Ha!

It's really his insecurity and her insecurity. A matching set of baggage. It had nothing to do with me. They pushed themselves apart. Two of the exact same magnets who pushed apart.

Not me...deleted.

Simple Words = Prayer

My friend Lynne sent me these words in an email message. I found them moving enough to post here:

~~~
To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.

When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better.

The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.
~~~

Sometimes, simple words can create a prayer.

Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin'

People think that I don't like to hug. I love to hug.

If I were to cry, why would I want a hug? A hug would make me feel weak and make me cry harder...if I wasn't ready for it.

If I were in the privacy of my own home with someone I trusted or a hunky dude, then a hug would be good. My ex-dysfunction used to give me shoulder-time when I was upset. I liked shoulder-time. I loved it. I miss it. I'd like shoulder-time with a new man. Tenderness.

When my Dad walked me down the aisle, he patted my hand the whole way. I'm not sure if he was nervous or thought I was. Affection.

When my Dad died, I still remember the hugs from family and friends. I can still feel them, physically feel their arms around me. Comfort.

I get/give friendly hugs from/to friends I've known for 25 years. Those are nice. I trust those hugs. Trust.

The hugs when my Sister and her family are leaving after a visit are a way to hold onto them until the next visit. Kalli squeezes. Tyler pats my back. When I try to think of the description of my sister's hug, it hurts too much for words. Commitment.

I hug my daughters. True Love.

Today at work, some guy was talking to me and another woman. He said something about giving out free foot rubs, but how I wouldn't want one, because I don't like to be touched. Dude! What the French, Toast?

If anything, I tend to crave sensory input, like Sophie does. I love to get massages, manicures, pedicures. I'm not ticklish. I love to get my feet rubbed. I have a bumpy footstool at work so that I can take my shoes off and rub my own socked feet. It's a great stress-reliever.

However, to the point, and of course, I make light of it, because that's what I do. If some hottie were to give me a hug out of the blue when I was unprepared, I'd probably implode. Don't tease a girl with a sip of water when there's no well in sight. Seriously, I'd probably melt to the ground and cry in want of someone to hold me.

Jewelry

Jewelry is beautiful, but…I just don't have the time to think about it. I have some pretty pieces in a jewelry box.

I wear the same earrings every day. I bought them in a 3-pack for like $7-8 from Target and gave the other 2 pairs to my daughter.

I wear the same ring every day. I’m pretty sure I bought it at Claire’s out of a plastic container full of the same ones. I think it might have cost $2.

I wear a bracelet that I bought from Dayspring Gifts (Hallmark Store) for $6. It’s basically a black rubber band with a silver circle that says, "Have Faith" on one side and "Expect Miracles" on the other.

I am jewelry-challenged.

Tonight's One Word

1. Where is your cell phone? charging
2. Your significant other? invisible?
3. Your hair? bandana
4. Your nails? plain
5. Your father? memories
6. Your favorite thing? cell
7. Your dream last night? frantic
8. Your favorite drink? coffee
9. Your dream/goal? book
10. The room you're in? family
11. Your eyes? blurry
12. Your fear? drowning
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? richer
14. Where were you last night? home
15. What you're not? happy
16. Muffins? orange
17. One of your wish list items? words
18. Where did you grow up? Chelsea
19. The last thing you did? laundry
20. What are you wearing? trackies
21. Your TV? off
22 Your pets? Rascal
23. Your computer? on
24. Your life? quick
25. Your mood? tense
26. Missing someone? Sister
27. Your car? Clifford
28. Something you're not wearing? socks
29. Favorite Store? Target
30. Your summer? Soon!
31. Like someone?
32. Your favorite color? orange
33. When is the last time you laughed? today
34. Last time you cried? blog
35. Who will/would re-post this? Hannah

Alternate Universe...who is that girl who looks like Sophie?

Have you heard my troubles in trying to get Sophie to have better hygiene habits? It's been a long time of tricking and kicking and screaming into the shower, running from the bathroom when the toothbrush comes out, and absolutely refusing to get a haircut. (People with autism has extreme sensory issues. For example, I think that her hair actually hurts her scalp at times.)

Tonight, she walked into the bathroom, knowing that that she would take a shower. She walked in. She walked. I didn't have to drag her. It wasn't a fight. She walked in and lifted up her arms to get her shirt off. She still complained and held her hands to her ears, but those feet were playing, kicking at the water. No crying.

I trimmed her bangs. The last time the hairdresser cut her hair, she cried, big alligator, sad tears. When I got the scissors out, she politely refused, but then I asked again. I didn't do a great job. The last time I did it, I did better, but at least she can see without tilting her head back. The hairdresser can fix it at the end of the month. She just stood there and looked at me under those long bangs. No crying.

And then, when I said, "Let's brush teeth." She got out of bed and walked right into the bathroom. She patiently waited for me to get the toothbrush. I brushed for her for a minute, and then I asked her to do it. She tried and did a great job for her. She used to make such faces when I tried to bruch her teeth. She would clench her mouth shut, and yes even cry. Tonight, no crying.

(Okay, she ran from the nail clippers. Maybe I was pushing it? 3 out of 4 is great!) I just keep thinking about how difficult she made those things before. If she made them difficult, they must have been so very difficult for her. They must have felt so weird or actually hurt her. Maybe my prayers are being answered. I just can't stand to see her hurting, to see her crying. Tonight, it was better for her. No crying.

I think I am going to cry. Yep, I am. Crying.

Fire

Fire destroys Chelsea shopping center
http://chelseastandard.com/
http://video.ap.org/v/Legacy.aspx?g=385f9c7d-f45e-4e55-8bf6-5d14eb56d797&f=mipon&mk=en-ap&fg=copy

Watching the video, I took this opportunity to discuss with Hannah what she should NOT do.

1. If building is on fire, do not drive toward it.
2. If building is on fire, do not stand so close to watch.

Who are these people milling around? What are they thinking?

I saw 2 barns burn down. It's very scary and sad.

The neighbor's barn...I remember running down the side of the road. I stepped in slushy puddles and my feet were soaking wet, but I didn't really care. I wanted to be there. I'm sure that I could do nothing, but I wanted to know that no one was hurt.

My Uncle Harold's barn...darn sow kicked over a heat lamp. We joked, or maybe we were serious, that the air smelled of bacon cooking. My brother lost his pretty blue speed boat. My Uncle lost at least one antique Allis-Chalmers tractor. I'm sure other farm machinery too. I just don't remember the details. One of the Broderick girls drove in our driveway and honked to tell us that something was wrong. I'm pretty sure that I had to run all the way over there too. Everyone else drove and left too fast for me. I just remember that my Uncle Bob said he had tried to get in and save something, maybe the sow and piglets. And I just thought why did he try that? Doesn't he know how much more important he is? (The thing is...I'm not sure that he knew that, but that's another story.) I never saw him so upset. His face told a story of hopelessness that night. At least, it was the new barn that burned, and another soon replaced it and still stands on the same farm that is now my brother's.

Mad Libs for your ipod

1. Open up your favorite Music Player.
2. Put it on shuffle.
3. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
4. Write that song down no matter how silly it sounds.

My Answers...

If someone says "Is this okay?" you say:
I'm in Love Again

How would you describe yourself?
My Kind of Rain

What do you like in a guy/girl?
Magnet and Steel

How do you feel today?
The Long Day is Over

What is your life's purpose?
All the Love

What is your motto?
Super Freak

What do your friends think of you?
All By Myself

What do you think of your parents?
We are Family

What do you think about very often?
I'm a Believer

What is your wedding day going to be like?
Comfort Me

What do you think of your best friend?
Nicest Kids in Town

What do you think of the person you like?
Gotta Go My Own Way

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Australia

What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Crazy For You

What will you dance to at your wedding?
Ladies' Choice

What will they play at your funeral?
Open Arms

What is your biggest fear?
Freak Out

Biggest secret?
You're Still You

What do you think of your friends?
Sweet Home Alabama

What is the worst thing about life?
September

The best thing about life?
Alway On My Mind

The best thing about YOUR life?
Wise men say only fools rush in


Hannah's answers are way better than mine!

If someone says "Is this okay?" you say:
Our Song

How would you describe yourself?
Together

What do you like in a guy/girl?
SuperMan

How do you feel today?
Baltimore Crabs

What is your life's purpose?
All for one

What is your motto?
I got you babe

What do your friends think of you?
Thicker than Water

What do you think of your parents?
Ticks

What do you think about very often?
I can feel your heart beat

What is your wedding day going to be like?
It Takes two

What do you think of your best friend?
You ain't nothing but a hounddog crying all the time

What do you think of the person you like?
Come on Get Happy

What do you want to be when you grow up?
Work this out

What do you think of when you see the person you like?
One in a Life Time

What will you dance to at your wedding?
We are Family

What will they play at your funeral?
Yesterday

What is your biggest fear?
Welcome to the 60's

Biggest secret?
HollyWood

What do you think of your friends?
Hold On

What is the worst thing about life?
I Want a New Drug

The best thing about life?
Why Not?

The best thing about YOUR life?
My Baby Does the Hanky Panky

Waiting by the phone...

I used to wait by the phone for a dude to call, now I wait for my daughter.

Hannah went to the bar last night. Okay...not really, it was more like karaoke at the bowling alley for a birthday party.

Thank God for cell phones and texting. What did parents do before texting? Last night, we must have texted one another 20 or so times back and forth about various things.

What was the birthday-girl's parent thinking? They did not even go to the bowling alley until close to 9 p.m.. I thought Hannah was texting to say that they were on the way home from there.

On her way to the bowling alley, I texted her, "What will you do if the adult with you takes a drink of alcohol?" Correctly answered, "I will text you so that you can come get us all." I did not htink that the adult would do that, but I just wanted to see what Hannah would say.

Another conversation:
Daughter: "Mom, what song should I sing?"
Mom: "Dancing Queen"
Daughter: "No, they will think it's weird."
Mom: "How about 867-5309?"
No reply. They ended up group-singing to two country songs that Hannah probably did not know all that well. I say...just wait until the movie Mamma Mia comes out, and all those girls will be saying how cool she is for knowing Abba!

I had to stay up until 11 p.m. wondering how in the world would I do this for the rest of my life? Wait up and worry about her. I want to follow her around at all times and make sure that she is safe and happy. When did she stop toddling around the furniture? I could keep her safe from sharp edges then. How can I keep her safe from sharp edges now? This is pre-dating. Oh man...just thinking about dating? I'm dizzy...need to go lie down, cold compress on forehead.

How did my Mother ever manage all those nights I went out and stayed out late?

Thanks goodness that my Sophie will stay home with me and not cause me such distress! (Talk about a silver lining on Sophie Storm!)