What is wrong with people? Robbers are bad, bad people. They are weak, useless, pathetic examples of human beings. Anyone who would rob a 94-year-old man should just be shot, not to kill, but to wound, to suffer. Or maybe just lock them up and throw away the key. Uncle Harold is not quite as upset about this as I am. After all, he is 94. He's been through a lot, through a war. I am mad.
Uncle Harold was gone for 1 1/2 hours this afternoon. During that time, some imbecile broke the glass out of his back garage door and went into his house. They took a gun and some money.
When I drove by Uncle Harold's tonight, he was sitting in his driveway reading his mail, before going back into the house. It was about 5-10 minutes after I saw him that he called my Mom. I could tell by her voice and the look on her face that something was wrong. She told him that she would call John or that Mary would be right down. She got off the phone and said that Uncle Harold had been robbed. I went right down and called 911 from his phone.
Poor man...He was breathing funny. He was very concerned about some clothes in a closet. It was very exciting in a bad way.
Not all is lost though. There was a bright spot to an otherwise terrible event. That's right, the Deputy was totally crushing on me. That's right. I saw him checking me out...checking on the ring finger. And he so let me know that he was single. When he asked what was missing, I told him that it was a little hard to tell because Uncle Harold isn't the neatest housekeeper. So, "D" says, "Hey, us single guys gotta try to keep a clean house."
Then, we were talking about all the break-ins in the area, and he said that I'd have to have my husband teach me how to use a gun. So, I said, "I don't have one of those."
And "D" asked me for my phone number too! Okay, that was for the police report.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Mommy's stress causes autism?
...the findings suggest that prenatal stress might have lingering effects on children's brain structures -- particularly those involved in language and verbal abilities. Read the rest of the article.
Stress is a cause for most anything that can go wrong in your body. If you look up any disease/illness, stress can be a precursor.
Was I stressed during my pregnancy with Sophie? Heck yeah.
My then-husband started cheating on me early on in that pregnancy. Although I didn't know that he was cheating, cheaters act differently, and I picked up on those changes. He came home later than usual, didn't help out around the house, etc. All of that added stress. He moved out of the house when I was about 6 months pregnant. More stress. Basically, he was a jerk.
So, was the stress I felt my fault for not handling it better? Or was it his fault for being the worst husband/dad in the universe? (Obviously, I know the answer!)
Stress is a cause for most anything that can go wrong in your body. If you look up any disease/illness, stress can be a precursor.
Was I stressed during my pregnancy with Sophie? Heck yeah.
My then-husband started cheating on me early on in that pregnancy. Although I didn't know that he was cheating, cheaters act differently, and I picked up on those changes. He came home later than usual, didn't help out around the house, etc. All of that added stress. He moved out of the house when I was about 6 months pregnant. More stress. Basically, he was a jerk.
So, was the stress I felt my fault for not handling it better? Or was it his fault for being the worst husband/dad in the universe? (Obviously, I know the answer!)
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
My Theory on Friendship
I've always thought that to share happiness and laughter is a wonderful thing, because you make others happy as well. The happiness grows and grows exponentially. However, I think to share your sadness and your worries with your friends is an even better thing. Each friend willingly takes a bit of your sadness away. Sadness does not grow when shared. We take it and replace it with love and understanding. So, please feel the love and understanding.
Ben...too young
I went to a memorial service today. A 22-year-old boy, barely a man, even though he was a great big hunky corn-fed farmer! He did not have his seat belt on, drinking and speeding. He was not invincible. His Mom spoke today; she pleaded to wear a seat belt when you are in a car. If she sees you without one, she'll tell the cops to ticket you and make you donate to her son's memorial fund.
Although I knew Ben only occasion, I've known his family since I was 5 when I rode the same bus as his Mother and his 3 Aunts. His Aunt Laurie is one of my best friends. She recorded a beautiful song that they played today at the service. Her voice, just the thought of her emotions pouring out, made me tear up.
I drive by Ben's Grandparents house and see his name on the seed signs. I went to parties there and decorated a float for the fair parade.
I drive by the corner where he died. It's one road over from my Mom's.
I've picked pumpkins and watched farm animals at his parents' farm.
He wanted to be a farmer. He was a farmer. It's a sad thing to speak in past tense about someone so young.
Live life. Embrace it.
Sometimes, I feel like I am just getting by. A wise woman reminded me: some people live big, and others live more quietly.
Value life. Embrace it!
Although I knew Ben only occasion, I've known his family since I was 5 when I rode the same bus as his Mother and his 3 Aunts. His Aunt Laurie is one of my best friends. She recorded a beautiful song that they played today at the service. Her voice, just the thought of her emotions pouring out, made me tear up.
I drive by Ben's Grandparents house and see his name on the seed signs. I went to parties there and decorated a float for the fair parade.
I drive by the corner where he died. It's one road over from my Mom's.
I've picked pumpkins and watched farm animals at his parents' farm.
He wanted to be a farmer. He was a farmer. It's a sad thing to speak in past tense about someone so young.
Live life. Embrace it.
Sometimes, I feel like I am just getting by. A wise woman reminded me: some people live big, and others live more quietly.
Value life. Embrace it!
Monday, September 8, 2008
Twilight series
I started to read the Twilight series since Hannah is into the 2nd book. I decided it would give us some things to talk about. Although vampires are creepy, I decided the stories are no different from (or at least similar to) the classic storyline of Beauty and the Beast.
I loved the tv series from the 80s with Ron Perlman, Linda Hamilton, and Roy Dotrice. Funny that Ron Perlman now plays Hellboy, another beast, in the movies. I watched a few episodes over the weekend, free online.
I always liked the Beast. Maybe this is why I like those darn bad boys nowadays?
I'll have to see where the Twilight books go, and what topics they bring up for me to discuss with Hannah.
I loved the tv series from the 80s with Ron Perlman, Linda Hamilton, and Roy Dotrice. Funny that Ron Perlman now plays Hellboy, another beast, in the movies. I watched a few episodes over the weekend, free online.
I always liked the Beast. Maybe this is why I like those darn bad boys nowadays?
I'll have to see where the Twilight books go, and what topics they bring up for me to discuss with Hannah.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Autism...letter to teachers
I just wanted to thank you all in advance for everything you'll be doing for and with Sophie this school year! I'm so excited that she's had a good first few days and expect the goodness to continue all year.
If you have any suggestions, I'm more than willing to listen. Your suggestion might be something I've thought about, but accidentally zoomed by without addressing or trying. (The mind of a parent of a special needs child goes 100 mph.)
Also, if you have any questions or concerns about Sophie, please let me know. All my phone numbers are below, or please email. Whatever works for you.
In lieu of filling out the forms that Mrs. Hamilton sent home, I've written a bit here about Sophie (from her perspective) for those who don't know her all that well yet!
My name is Sophie Lash. I am 9 years old...almost 10!
I live with my Mom and my sister Hannah...right across the street from South Meadows. My Dad lives near Lansing, and he comes to see me and my sister once or twice a month, but he really doesn't spend a lot of time with me. I have a Grandma who lives in Chelsea. I get off the bus at Grandma's house. I have 2 Uncles who I get to see a bunch. You will see Uncle John when my Mom goes to California (January 11-15). As much as I like school, I really like to be with Grandma, but Uncle John will help me get to school on those days. I also have an Aunt, Uncle, and 2 cousins in Kansas. I also have a Great Uncle who is 95 years old. You'll see them all on my Dynavox!
A most noticeable thing about me is that I don’t talk yet. My mom hopes that I will someday, but for now, I use pictures and the Dynavox to tell what I want. I can also get my point across in other ways. Can you imagine how hard it is to communicate without being able to talk? When I get really mad, I sometimes say Mom or No. When you least expect it, a word might just slip out.
I am very strong and fast, if I want to be. Sometimes, I move as slow as a snail.
I like to watch movies with lots of music and dancing. I like watching the Wiggles, Bear in the Big Blue House, Barney (sometimes on youtube.com). I like Kidsongs videos too. Once in a while, I like more grown-up movies like Shrek, Stuart Little, and Annie.
I like music a lot. I go to music therapy once a week with Mr. Mike in Ann Arbor. For this school year, it will be on Thursdays at 6 p.m. Did you know that people hear music with a different part of their brain than they hear talking? It’s easier for me to understand music or singing. So, sometimes when I am not in a good mood or paying attention, I listen to music, and it makes me feel better. Singing what you want to tell me gets me to understand a little better too. I love my ipod!
I like toys. I like little toys. (You might call them manipulatives.) I love my beads. If I am mad and need to calm down, please give me my beads. I like to flutter little toys or beads. Besides really liking that visual stimulation, I am the champion bead-twirler of the universe.
I like puzzles. I am really good at putting puzzles together. I like the alphabet and numbers and maps. I like the calendar.
I like any group of things that I can look at and study and then display the way that I want. My Mom says that I am an artist of installation pieces. I like to create pretty displays that take up the whole room!
I love to play in the water. In the sink, I use different cups and watch the way the light hits the water. Sometimes, I like really hot water, so please help me watch out so that I don't hurt myself or anyone else.
I like junk food. My Mom tries and tries to get me to eat healthier food, but I just don’t like the smell or the texture of that food. The somewhat healthy things I like are popcorn, rice cakes, yogurt, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, nuts, corn chex and rice chex. The unhealthy things are ice cream and cookies. (Watch out...I will nab your cookies if they are left out!)
I like animals. I have a dog, named Rascal, who I tolerate. My friend Belinda has a cat. I like to kiss and pet the cat. I spent a lot of time at Belinda’s playing with other kids this summer.
Sometimes transitions can be very hard for me. Beads and music and patience help. I'm not trying to be difficult, just trying to work through things. If I am really angry, singing the alphabet song or "Itsy-Bitsy Spider" or counting to ten helps me settle down. It helps me focus on something other than my frustration. (If I take your hands and twist them in diferent directions, I am requesting your rendition of "Itsy-Bitsy Spider".)
I don't like my hair touched, but then again, sometimes I might want you to press on my head. (I tolerate the hair-combing when I absolutely have to! I'm getting better. This summer, I sat in the chair and wore the cape when I got my haircut. My Mom almost cried, and the hairdresser was so pleased!) I am way better at brushing my teeth than I used to be, but trips to the dentist are still pretty rough on me and the dentist. I like to have my arms, hands, legs, and feet rubbed. I might ask you to rub my arms.
I'm very sweet and loving and smart. I have a lot inside me that is just waiting to come out.
As you can tell I could talk forever about Sophie. In fact, I'll be on a panel in October at Siena Heights University, giving the parent's perspective on autism. I'm afraid I won't give anyone else a chance to talk.
If you have any suggestions, I'm more than willing to listen. Your suggestion might be something I've thought about, but accidentally zoomed by without addressing or trying. (The mind of a parent of a special needs child goes 100 mph.)
Also, if you have any questions or concerns about Sophie, please let me know. All my phone numbers are below, or please email. Whatever works for you.
In lieu of filling out the forms that Mrs. Hamilton sent home, I've written a bit here about Sophie (from her perspective) for those who don't know her all that well yet!
My name is Sophie Lash. I am 9 years old...almost 10!
I live with my Mom and my sister Hannah...right across the street from South Meadows. My Dad lives near Lansing, and he comes to see me and my sister once or twice a month, but he really doesn't spend a lot of time with me. I have a Grandma who lives in Chelsea. I get off the bus at Grandma's house. I have 2 Uncles who I get to see a bunch. You will see Uncle John when my Mom goes to California (January 11-15). As much as I like school, I really like to be with Grandma, but Uncle John will help me get to school on those days. I also have an Aunt, Uncle, and 2 cousins in Kansas. I also have a Great Uncle who is 95 years old. You'll see them all on my Dynavox!
A most noticeable thing about me is that I don’t talk yet. My mom hopes that I will someday, but for now, I use pictures and the Dynavox to tell what I want. I can also get my point across in other ways. Can you imagine how hard it is to communicate without being able to talk? When I get really mad, I sometimes say Mom or No. When you least expect it, a word might just slip out.
I am very strong and fast, if I want to be. Sometimes, I move as slow as a snail.
I like to watch movies with lots of music and dancing. I like watching the Wiggles, Bear in the Big Blue House, Barney (sometimes on youtube.com). I like Kidsongs videos too. Once in a while, I like more grown-up movies like Shrek, Stuart Little, and Annie.
I like music a lot. I go to music therapy once a week with Mr. Mike in Ann Arbor. For this school year, it will be on Thursdays at 6 p.m. Did you know that people hear music with a different part of their brain than they hear talking? It’s easier for me to understand music or singing. So, sometimes when I am not in a good mood or paying attention, I listen to music, and it makes me feel better. Singing what you want to tell me gets me to understand a little better too. I love my ipod!
I like toys. I like little toys. (You might call them manipulatives.) I love my beads. If I am mad and need to calm down, please give me my beads. I like to flutter little toys or beads. Besides really liking that visual stimulation, I am the champion bead-twirler of the universe.
I like puzzles. I am really good at putting puzzles together. I like the alphabet and numbers and maps. I like the calendar.
I like any group of things that I can look at and study and then display the way that I want. My Mom says that I am an artist of installation pieces. I like to create pretty displays that take up the whole room!
I love to play in the water. In the sink, I use different cups and watch the way the light hits the water. Sometimes, I like really hot water, so please help me watch out so that I don't hurt myself or anyone else.
I like junk food. My Mom tries and tries to get me to eat healthier food, but I just don’t like the smell or the texture of that food. The somewhat healthy things I like are popcorn, rice cakes, yogurt, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, nuts, corn chex and rice chex. The unhealthy things are ice cream and cookies. (Watch out...I will nab your cookies if they are left out!)
I like animals. I have a dog, named Rascal, who I tolerate. My friend Belinda has a cat. I like to kiss and pet the cat. I spent a lot of time at Belinda’s playing with other kids this summer.
Sometimes transitions can be very hard for me. Beads and music and patience help. I'm not trying to be difficult, just trying to work through things. If I am really angry, singing the alphabet song or "Itsy-Bitsy Spider" or counting to ten helps me settle down. It helps me focus on something other than my frustration. (If I take your hands and twist them in diferent directions, I am requesting your rendition of "Itsy-Bitsy Spider".)
I don't like my hair touched, but then again, sometimes I might want you to press on my head. (I tolerate the hair-combing when I absolutely have to! I'm getting better. This summer, I sat in the chair and wore the cape when I got my haircut. My Mom almost cried, and the hairdresser was so pleased!) I am way better at brushing my teeth than I used to be, but trips to the dentist are still pretty rough on me and the dentist. I like to have my arms, hands, legs, and feet rubbed. I might ask you to rub my arms.
I'm very sweet and loving and smart. I have a lot inside me that is just waiting to come out.
As you can tell I could talk forever about Sophie. In fact, I'll be on a panel in October at Siena Heights University, giving the parent's perspective on autism. I'm afraid I won't give anyone else a chance to talk.
Autism...Researchers are stupid!
A friend sent me this message:
Okay... one out of every 150 kids in the U.S. have autism, and they declare the measles vaccine to be absolutely safe because they did a study using 25 kids?????
article
No wonder you're frustrated. It just blows my mind...
Yes, it does blow my mind. It seems to me that researchers are being funded by big pharma companies to disprove any theories that the MMR vaccine affected kids with autism. INSTEAD...why don't they research something that will help my kid?
In my direct experience with researchers, they don't know what they are doing. I would rather spend my time talking to school therapist. The people that work at schools actually care about my kid. I think researchers are probably on the spectrum a bit and cannot see the forest for the trees.
Okay... one out of every 150 kids in the U.S. have autism, and they declare the measles vaccine to be absolutely safe because they did a study using 25 kids?????
article
No wonder you're frustrated. It just blows my mind...
Yes, it does blow my mind. It seems to me that researchers are being funded by big pharma companies to disprove any theories that the MMR vaccine affected kids with autism. INSTEAD...why don't they research something that will help my kid?
In my direct experience with researchers, they don't know what they are doing. I would rather spend my time talking to school therapist. The people that work at schools actually care about my kid. I think researchers are probably on the spectrum a bit and cannot see the forest for the trees.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Shock and aWedding
Darren made a huge mistake by not inviting Hannah to his wedding and not telling her about it until a week later. When he did tell her, he described it as this beautiful, intimate, family affair, which is lovely for all who were involved. When he was speaking, I could see her heart breaking. He could not have hurt her more if he had pushed her down and stomped on her. After 10 years of first abandonment and then disinterest, Hannah has had enough of him, at least for now. She's in some formative years, and she's very smart. I cannot cover for his deficiencies in the dad department anymore, because she sees through the excuses that I create for her benefit. She sent Darren an email asking him not to contact her for a while.
I've been nothing but accommodating to Darren where the girls are involved. Even after he took me to Friend of the Court to get his child support reduced and the Court Referee came back with a decision to raise it, I didn't have it raised because I did not want to make it harder for him to visit, for the sake of the girls, for Hannah really. If Darren had told Hannah about his plans to marry, I would have made arrangements to get Hannah to the wedding. Darren offered to take Hannah to meet Kim, but Hannah is sensitive to her sister and feels that meeting her means to meet Sophie too, which would mean a trip here, which would have been absolutely fine with me.
Hannah is a smart and sensitive young lady. Darren's exclusion of her from such an important event is his life really hurt her.
I've been nothing but accommodating to Darren where the girls are involved. Even after he took me to Friend of the Court to get his child support reduced and the Court Referee came back with a decision to raise it, I didn't have it raised because I did not want to make it harder for him to visit, for the sake of the girls, for Hannah really. If Darren had told Hannah about his plans to marry, I would have made arrangements to get Hannah to the wedding. Darren offered to take Hannah to meet Kim, but Hannah is sensitive to her sister and feels that meeting her means to meet Sophie too, which would mean a trip here, which would have been absolutely fine with me.
Hannah is a smart and sensitive young lady. Darren's exclusion of her from such an important event is his life really hurt her.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Notes about want I want to talk about at Savvy Seminar for Autism
Mary Hellner:(class of ’88) of Chelsea, mother of two, one of whom is Autistic. She wears a button on her purse that says “ask me about Autism” so she can bring a wonderful perspective. provide a brief story, or explanation of who you are, what your connection is with Autism and what you bring to the panel discussion. At that time I would like to open it up to the audience for questions. I would ask that each of you bring at least 2-3 of your own “questions” you think would prompt discussion, in case we are looking out at a group of people who might not know just what to ask….
Initial Diagnosis = No one wanted to tell me that it was autism. Doctors didn't. Parents of autistic boy because autism varies so much), she did not think that Sophie had it. Nurse Practitioner that I've known since kindergarten or 1st grade "looked" at me and said that the Mom knows best.
Educational = IEPs...changing schools = just me with about a dozen school staff from 2 different schools. Be nice to school staff. They work with your kid. They know your kid better than stupid researchers.
Emotional = Seek help and support from anyone that you trust.
Check my blog (old and current) for anything that I've mentioned about autism.
You cannot take what others say personally. They are ignorant. Talk about Mrs. Osentoski in the parking lot.
You will not take anything that your kid does for granted.
It's a blessing. It brings your family together. It gives siblings the opportunity to learn patience, compassion, etc. Hannah is the sweetest person I have ever met. I am blessed to have a wonderful support system with my sister, brothers, and their families. I have confidence that if anything happens to me, they will care for Sophie.
See autism wherever I go...someone is on the spectrum.
When I first started working in sales, 3 of the 6 people in my aisle had kids on the spectrum.
Initial Diagnosis = No one wanted to tell me that it was autism. Doctors didn't. Parents of autistic boy because autism varies so much), she did not think that Sophie had it. Nurse Practitioner that I've known since kindergarten or 1st grade "looked" at me and said that the Mom knows best.
Educational = IEPs...changing schools = just me with about a dozen school staff from 2 different schools. Be nice to school staff. They work with your kid. They know your kid better than stupid researchers.
Emotional = Seek help and support from anyone that you trust.
Check my blog (old and current) for anything that I've mentioned about autism.
You cannot take what others say personally. They are ignorant. Talk about Mrs. Osentoski in the parking lot.
You will not take anything that your kid does for granted.
It's a blessing. It brings your family together. It gives siblings the opportunity to learn patience, compassion, etc. Hannah is the sweetest person I have ever met. I am blessed to have a wonderful support system with my sister, brothers, and their families. I have confidence that if anything happens to me, they will care for Sophie.
See autism wherever I go...someone is on the spectrum.
When I first started working in sales, 3 of the 6 people in my aisle had kids on the spectrum.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Smile!
If it's not one thing, it's another. Now, when I say this, I'm not wishing for something else to add to my already full plate. I'm just trying to say that there is always something on the plate.
Add to plate: I have TMJ.
I had a regularly-scheduled cleaning today, but I suspected that I had it. Over the last two weeks, my face has felt numb and tingling from my ear down to my jaw. After I relax or a little nap, the tingling went away. Since it's not worse in the morning, I'm guessing that this is stress-induced jaw-clenching and muscular in nature, and not that I am grinding my teeth when I sleep.
The dentist found one chipped tooth and some other smooth edges that would denote some teeth grinding. He felt my face while I moved my jaw around, and my jaw muscle was trembling.
Too bad I cannot afford any more dental work this year. (crap insurance!) So, I have to try to fix this on my own until next year.
Anyway, the dentist said that stress can cause it, as well as physical stress. So, if my back is tight and if my neck hurts, it could definitely lead to the TMJ in my jaw. The crapola work environment just keeps getting worse and worse!
Add to plate: I have TMJ.
I had a regularly-scheduled cleaning today, but I suspected that I had it. Over the last two weeks, my face has felt numb and tingling from my ear down to my jaw. After I relax or a little nap, the tingling went away. Since it's not worse in the morning, I'm guessing that this is stress-induced jaw-clenching and muscular in nature, and not that I am grinding my teeth when I sleep.
The dentist found one chipped tooth and some other smooth edges that would denote some teeth grinding. He felt my face while I moved my jaw around, and my jaw muscle was trembling.
Too bad I cannot afford any more dental work this year. (crap insurance!) So, I have to try to fix this on my own until next year.
Anyway, the dentist said that stress can cause it, as well as physical stress. So, if my back is tight and if my neck hurts, it could definitely lead to the TMJ in my jaw. The crapola work environment just keeps getting worse and worse!
Sunday, July 27, 2008
The unfairness of food
Most days, I have no problem with the dietary restrictions that I have. There are times though that are rougher than others. When I have control over what I order or when there are options available, I can choose wisely. Occasionally, I treat myself.
Sales meetings are one of those difficult events. If I just knew ahead of time what would be offered, I could prepare myself. Unfortunately, at the last one, the server incorrectly informed me what was on the dinner menu one evening, and there was a little hoodoo, but it all worked out. I splurged on the appetizers with 2 yummy shrimp and 1 fruity (more like jelly) pastry and even had 2 bites of some delicious chocolatey dessert.
I guess I get tired explaining it all the time. No one seems to understand. Even 2 nurses with whom I had a recent conversation didn't understand. They assumed that once you get rid of your gall bladder that you can eat all the fatty foods you want. Not true.
Anyway, there are other temptations out there. See my Mother's refrigerator freezer here:
Notice the top...not 1, not 2, but 3 frozen Pepperidge Farm cakes. My brother stocked up; there was probably a sale! However, take a look at the lower left corner. My Mom bought some veggie burgers so that I have something on hand whenever everyone else is eating a big cut of beef.
Now take a look at the deep freeze here:
Do you see all those pints of ice cream? Yummy-flavored ice cream? Yummy-flavored ice cream that I would love to devour?
So, my older brother can eat cake and ice cream every day...how is that fair?
Sales meetings are one of those difficult events. If I just knew ahead of time what would be offered, I could prepare myself. Unfortunately, at the last one, the server incorrectly informed me what was on the dinner menu one evening, and there was a little hoodoo, but it all worked out. I splurged on the appetizers with 2 yummy shrimp and 1 fruity (more like jelly) pastry and even had 2 bites of some delicious chocolatey dessert.
I guess I get tired explaining it all the time. No one seems to understand. Even 2 nurses with whom I had a recent conversation didn't understand. They assumed that once you get rid of your gall bladder that you can eat all the fatty foods you want. Not true.
Anyway, there are other temptations out there. See my Mother's refrigerator freezer here:
Notice the top...not 1, not 2, but 3 frozen Pepperidge Farm cakes. My brother stocked up; there was probably a sale! However, take a look at the lower left corner. My Mom bought some veggie burgers so that I have something on hand whenever everyone else is eating a big cut of beef.
Now take a look at the deep freeze here:
Do you see all those pints of ice cream? Yummy-flavored ice cream? Yummy-flavored ice cream that I would love to devour?
So, my older brother can eat cake and ice cream every day...how is that fair?
Mmm...butta
Mmm...Mmm...butta!I'm not exactly sure what Sophie thought this stick of butter was, but my Mother found it like this in her refrigerator.
There was some cheese in the dairy drawer. So, maybe she thought it was a big hunk of cheese, but she doesn't even like big hunks of cheese.
I'm just happy that she came to the conclusion not to eat the whole stick!
Saturday, July 19, 2008
cry-i-i-i-ng over you...
Roy Orbison sang it best. He sang about unrequited love or love gone bad. I feel it tonight, but differently. I cry for the love of family...missing by distance or in pain.
Hannah is off today for a week up north with a friend and her friend's family. I cried after I dropped her off at 1:30 p.m. I cried again when she first sent me a text at 6:37 p.m. And I cried just now at 9:42 p.m. when she sent another text that they had arrived at their destination. That does it...I'm going back to college when she goes.
My Mother is in the hospital tonight. I held it together on Thursday during the long day of prepping for surgery and recovery, but when I got in my jeep to leave the hospital after she was safely admitted into her room, I cried, gasping for the cool night air to bring me the will to keep going. Later that night after I got home, I cried as the adrenaline was gone, and the relief just washed over me. It's very hard to see the person who has always taken care of you, someone with beauty and grace and strength in more ways than she would ever admit, in such a helpless position.
I feel so splintered.
Hannah is off today for a week up north with a friend and her friend's family. I cried after I dropped her off at 1:30 p.m. I cried again when she first sent me a text at 6:37 p.m. And I cried just now at 9:42 p.m. when she sent another text that they had arrived at their destination. That does it...I'm going back to college when she goes.
My Mother is in the hospital tonight. I held it together on Thursday during the long day of prepping for surgery and recovery, but when I got in my jeep to leave the hospital after she was safely admitted into her room, I cried, gasping for the cool night air to bring me the will to keep going. Later that night after I got home, I cried as the adrenaline was gone, and the relief just washed over me. It's very hard to see the person who has always taken care of you, someone with beauty and grace and strength in more ways than she would ever admit, in such a helpless position.
I feel so splintered.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Aloof?
Now I am aloof? I absolutely love researchers. Hey, researchers, aloof this (hand gesture)!
New research shows that some parents of autistic children appear to be "socially aloof," providing more evidence that some aspects of autism are hereditary.
http://www.forbes.com/forbeslife/health/feeds/hscout/2008/07/17/hscout617555.html
"We found that some parents who have a child with autism process face information in a subtly, but clearly different way from other parents," Ralph Adolphs, another co-author on the paper and a neuroscientist at the California Institute of Technology, said in the news release. "This is evidence for the hypothesis that the parents with the autistic child have brains that function somewhat differently as well."
Socially aloof...what the heck does that mean? Even if Darren and I look at people's mouths instead of their eyes to process facial cues, would that really make my daughter unable to speak??? Would it really cause all sorts of digestive issues? Would it really cause her low muscle tone and her inability to control her muscles in the typical way? Come the "f" on!
Gee, big surprise...we are all different? Wow, I hope that these researcher made big bucks on that conclusion. Researcher, what is your real goal? Are Pharma companies and the AMA sliding you some cashola under the table to present your findings in a way that is placing "blame" on parents and not on the environmental factors?
Personally, I think that vaccines injured my daughter, but I never "blamed" the doctors. I'm sure that they thought they were doing what was best. But hey, if they cannot admit to the mistake, I don't really give a flying leap.
Researcher, you say that you are looking for a cause so that you can look for a cure? Bull-pucky. After you blame the parents, I never hear anything at all about a cure or anything at all that could help.
I would just like someone to come up with something, anything, to want to help my kid.
New research shows that some parents of autistic children appear to be "socially aloof," providing more evidence that some aspects of autism are hereditary.
http://www.forbes.com/forbeslife/health/feeds/hscout/2008/07/17/hscout617555.html
"We found that some parents who have a child with autism process face information in a subtly, but clearly different way from other parents," Ralph Adolphs, another co-author on the paper and a neuroscientist at the California Institute of Technology, said in the news release. "This is evidence for the hypothesis that the parents with the autistic child have brains that function somewhat differently as well."
Socially aloof...what the heck does that mean? Even if Darren and I look at people's mouths instead of their eyes to process facial cues, would that really make my daughter unable to speak??? Would it really cause all sorts of digestive issues? Would it really cause her low muscle tone and her inability to control her muscles in the typical way? Come the "f" on!
Gee, big surprise...we are all different? Wow, I hope that these researcher made big bucks on that conclusion. Researcher, what is your real goal? Are Pharma companies and the AMA sliding you some cashola under the table to present your findings in a way that is placing "blame" on parents and not on the environmental factors?
Personally, I think that vaccines injured my daughter, but I never "blamed" the doctors. I'm sure that they thought they were doing what was best. But hey, if they cannot admit to the mistake, I don't really give a flying leap.
Researcher, you say that you are looking for a cause so that you can look for a cure? Bull-pucky. After you blame the parents, I never hear anything at all about a cure or anything at all that could help.
I would just like someone to come up with something, anything, to want to help my kid.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Books...
Books...are better than life.
You can pick up a book and live it whenever you want that life.
You can put the book down when you need a break.
No wonder I spent my youth up a tree reading a book. All summer long on any non-rainy day, I would climb the tree behind the house and read. Then I could take a walk to the swamp and pretend to be the heroine. In bad weather, I would hide in my room or in the basement, and I would be transported to another sunny life.
How wonderful and lucky that my parents gave me the safety and security of a childhood where I could live through books and nature.
The heroine of my book always has a struggle, but she endures, and she thrives.
Her family is always quirky, but good loving people.
Friends are always the loyal and supportive sidekicks that build the heroine up instead of tear down.
The struggle comes from God, nature, society, man, or self.
I'm old enough to be over, for the most part, my doubt of or anger at God. God does not cause me much struggle anymore. He is more of a comport, a guide, a beacon home.
In the safe confines of my hometown, I do not have to struggle with much of a force of nature. An occasional power outage, a foot of snow...those are not life-struggling events. Those are just things to deal with. Nature is usually my friend. I can remember being upset in college. I would just look out the window and watch the leaves blow on the tree. My Dad always said, "You do what you have to do."
Society is a fearful thing. You have to wonder what we are all thinking collectively to have gotten to such a strange place in our time. We think certain things are okay when they are so strange. I heard once that people who are afraid to be individuals join groups. I think as well, people want others to be like them to validate themselves. I don't want anyone to be like me...that would be boring. However, we're constantly held up to the expectations of others. If you don't dress like this or act like this, then you are nothing, because you are not like me. It's the ego of the individual to think that they represent society. My Dad always said, "You just have to get along with people."
Me against man. My Dad always said, "Everyone's different." Why is it, then, that we cannot be accepting of others when they are not like us? I'm going to try to be more accepting of rude, stupid people when dealing with them one on one. They cannot help it that they are not totally cool like me. Every one of us has no idea what the other person is feeling or thinking. There is all this history that no one else can truly understand. Why do we try? Maybe we should just accept it and hope for the best. We seem to all seek this partner in life, this witness. But do they really witness you...the real you? No person knows me. Maybe the struggle comes when you want them to know.
I am in a constant struggle against myself. I am also very comfortable with myself. That, in itself, is a constant struggle. Logic? Circles.
I wish I could put this book down for a minute. Or end this chapter and start a new one.
You can pick up a book and live it whenever you want that life.
You can put the book down when you need a break.
No wonder I spent my youth up a tree reading a book. All summer long on any non-rainy day, I would climb the tree behind the house and read. Then I could take a walk to the swamp and pretend to be the heroine. In bad weather, I would hide in my room or in the basement, and I would be transported to another sunny life.
How wonderful and lucky that my parents gave me the safety and security of a childhood where I could live through books and nature.
The heroine of my book always has a struggle, but she endures, and she thrives.
Her family is always quirky, but good loving people.
Friends are always the loyal and supportive sidekicks that build the heroine up instead of tear down.
The struggle comes from God, nature, society, man, or self.
I'm old enough to be over, for the most part, my doubt of or anger at God. God does not cause me much struggle anymore. He is more of a comport, a guide, a beacon home.
In the safe confines of my hometown, I do not have to struggle with much of a force of nature. An occasional power outage, a foot of snow...those are not life-struggling events. Those are just things to deal with. Nature is usually my friend. I can remember being upset in college. I would just look out the window and watch the leaves blow on the tree. My Dad always said, "You do what you have to do."
Society is a fearful thing. You have to wonder what we are all thinking collectively to have gotten to such a strange place in our time. We think certain things are okay when they are so strange. I heard once that people who are afraid to be individuals join groups. I think as well, people want others to be like them to validate themselves. I don't want anyone to be like me...that would be boring. However, we're constantly held up to the expectations of others. If you don't dress like this or act like this, then you are nothing, because you are not like me. It's the ego of the individual to think that they represent society. My Dad always said, "You just have to get along with people."
Me against man. My Dad always said, "Everyone's different." Why is it, then, that we cannot be accepting of others when they are not like us? I'm going to try to be more accepting of rude, stupid people when dealing with them one on one. They cannot help it that they are not totally cool like me. Every one of us has no idea what the other person is feeling or thinking. There is all this history that no one else can truly understand. Why do we try? Maybe we should just accept it and hope for the best. We seem to all seek this partner in life, this witness. But do they really witness you...the real you? No person knows me. Maybe the struggle comes when you want them to know.
I am in a constant struggle against myself. I am also very comfortable with myself. That, in itself, is a constant struggle. Logic? Circles.
I wish I could put this book down for a minute. Or end this chapter and start a new one.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Next step...a good lawyer?
Anyone know a good lawyer? Are there good lawyers? Maybe I should ask for "bad" lawyer?
Anyway, looking for one based in Washtenaw County? My friend from the previous post inquired. My divorce lawyer retired, but he was good. Really good. Or was that really bad? hehe
Anyway, looking for one based in Washtenaw County? My friend from the previous post inquired. My divorce lawyer retired, but he was good. Really good. Or was that really bad? hehe
Monday, July 14, 2008
double trouble
What would you do if your friend's abusive husband doubled the life insurance on her?
He is crazy. He's going to make it seem like an accident.
She needs to leave and get far away.
He is controlling, abusive, obsessed. He is really sick.
I'm not sure how she found out about the life insurance, but she's just not safe there.
I truly believe that he would kill her before letting her get a divorce.
He's all about how something looks. He has no substance.
He is crazy. He's going to make it seem like an accident.
She needs to leave and get far away.
He is controlling, abusive, obsessed. He is really sick.
I'm not sure how she found out about the life insurance, but she's just not safe there.
I truly believe that he would kill her before letting her get a divorce.
He's all about how something looks. He has no substance.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Autism...kissin' cousins & back to the refrigerator?
"It also showed that, at least in many of the families studied, autism appears to be caused by the combination of faulty DNA and something in the physical or social environment of an affected child after birth." ~ from "Autism gene search turns up hope for treatment" (Thu Jul 10, 2008 3:41pm EDT - http://www.reuters.com/article/healthNews/idUSN1025798120080710)
Oh..this makes me mad. The quote is the 3rd paragraph in the article. If you keep going, you will read that 88 of the 104 families studied had parents who were 1st cousins. What??? I am sorry, but that is not a representative group of typical families in the world. Jeez...Are kissin' cousins really representative? Who sponsored this research...big pharma companies? The vaccine-makers? These researchers should be taken to task for such a ridiculous test group.
Are we really going to go back to the 60s to blame autism on the social environment? Am I to be called a refrigerator Mom? My children have never lacked for affection. If stress during pregnancy causes autism, then my ex-husband can take all the blame. My daughter never lacked for love and affection from me and my family. She has always been loved beyond belief!
Vaccines did it. Vaccines injured her.
Oh..this makes me mad. The quote is the 3rd paragraph in the article. If you keep going, you will read that 88 of the 104 families studied had parents who were 1st cousins. What??? I am sorry, but that is not a representative group of typical families in the world. Jeez...Are kissin' cousins really representative? Who sponsored this research...big pharma companies? The vaccine-makers? These researchers should be taken to task for such a ridiculous test group.
Are we really going to go back to the 60s to blame autism on the social environment? Am I to be called a refrigerator Mom? My children have never lacked for affection. If stress during pregnancy causes autism, then my ex-husband can take all the blame. My daughter never lacked for love and affection from me and my family. She has always been loved beyond belief!
Vaccines did it. Vaccines injured her.
Friday, July 4, 2008
I pulled out a Plum
Can you believe it? I have yet to read Fearless 14! (from Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum series)
I own 14. I have it. It's still in its shipping package. I'm reading all the others before I read 14. I own 1-7 and got 8 out of the library. I finished 8 today. I do not own 9 or 10 or 11. I've come all this way. I can't skip ahead to 12. What was I thinking? Why was I not prepared?
So, in order to get my Plum fix this evening, I've decided to cast the movie. Yes, I've done this before, but it's always fun, especially when Sharon argues about the Ranger character! Here we go...
Stephanie: If not me, then Lauren Graham - Since she's done with Gilmore Girls, I'm sure she has the time. She can do funny, sad, serious, and we know that she can handle the love triangle! Plus, she's already made out with Vin Diesel in The Pacifier. Lucky girl!
Joe: Jeffrey Dean Morgan - He can be tough and sweet. I can see him riding a Ducati and calling me Cupcake. I mean calling Stephanie Cupcake.
Ranger: Vin Diesel - Ranger will always be Vin Diesel to me. Strong, silent, kick-ass hunk of testosterone and muscle, and yet can be serious as well.
Tank: The Rock - I can see Dwayne Johnson backing up Vin Diesel and being all sweet with Lula. Lula needs a big, sensitive man, and The Rock can fill those shoes. (As reply to Sharon's comment, Michael Clarke Duncan would definitely make a great Tank, but I just cannot move Vin out of the Ranger role for Dwayne. However, I would watch Sharon's movie if made that way. hehe)
Diesel: Paul Walker or Gerard Butler - Paul has the goofiness, but Gerard could play the mysterious aspect. Not enough of Diesel in the off-number books to decide between the two. (Hmm...Paul's been in the movies with Vin, and Gerard has been in a flick with Jeffrey Dean Morgan.)
Lula: Sherri Shepherd - Lovable, energetic, excitement. Can't you see her moseying on up to The Rock?
Connie: Jennifer Coolidge - She could put Vinnie in his place.
Grandma Mazur: Ann Morgan Guilbert - I've never pictured anyone other than The Nanny's Grandma Yetta.
Mr. Plum: James Gandolfini - I can just see him sitting at the table, behind the paper, mumbling expletives at Grandma Mazur.
Mrs. Plum: Blythe Danner - The look. She can give the look. And she'll be standing on the porch waiting for Stephanie.
Valerie: Jennie Garth - The perfect daughter, who is kind of bumbling, but could also ram a van through a house to save her sister.
Kloughn: Kevin James - Who else could play the Pillsbury Doughboy? We know he can pull it off...Hitch.
Vinnie: Steve Buscemi or Joe Pantoliano - Sometimes, I picture one, and at other times, I picture the other. What was I thinking??? Now that I am in Book 9, Vinnie must be Stanley Tucci. I love him. He can play a weenie, but a lovable one. And he would be capable of bounty hunter stuff.
Joyce: Debi Mazar - She can do mean (Beethoven movies). She could pull off those leather outfits.
Mooner: Jon Heder - Is there anyone else?
Dougie: Matthew Lillard - Think Shaggy.
Dickie Orr: Ben Affleck - Wannabe corporate climber
Sally Sweet: Steve Valentine - He's the closest actor to a guy I went to college with that I picture in this role.
Mrs. Morelli: Lorraine Bracco - Strong, no-nonsense matriarch
Grandma Bella: Olympia Dukakis - She could put the eye on anyone, but turn around and wink at Joe.
Eddie Gazarra: George Eads - Actually, he's a runner-up for Joe, and so I put him here so that he'd still be in the movie, because he is hot.
Carl Costanza: Mark Wahlberg - He is just hot, not that Carl is described that way. Again...he needs to be in my movie.
Mary Lou: Melissa McCarthy - Would this be hilarious...teaming Sookie and Lorelai back up?
I own 14. I have it. It's still in its shipping package. I'm reading all the others before I read 14. I own 1-7 and got 8 out of the library. I finished 8 today. I do not own 9 or 10 or 11. I've come all this way. I can't skip ahead to 12. What was I thinking? Why was I not prepared?
So, in order to get my Plum fix this evening, I've decided to cast the movie. Yes, I've done this before, but it's always fun, especially when Sharon argues about the Ranger character! Here we go...
Stephanie: If not me, then Lauren Graham - Since she's done with Gilmore Girls, I'm sure she has the time. She can do funny, sad, serious, and we know that she can handle the love triangle! Plus, she's already made out with Vin Diesel in The Pacifier. Lucky girl!
Joe: Jeffrey Dean Morgan - He can be tough and sweet. I can see him riding a Ducati and calling me Cupcake. I mean calling Stephanie Cupcake.
Ranger: Vin Diesel - Ranger will always be Vin Diesel to me. Strong, silent, kick-ass hunk of testosterone and muscle, and yet can be serious as well.
Tank: The Rock - I can see Dwayne Johnson backing up Vin Diesel and being all sweet with Lula. Lula needs a big, sensitive man, and The Rock can fill those shoes. (As reply to Sharon's comment, Michael Clarke Duncan would definitely make a great Tank, but I just cannot move Vin out of the Ranger role for Dwayne. However, I would watch Sharon's movie if made that way. hehe)
Diesel: Paul Walker or Gerard Butler - Paul has the goofiness, but Gerard could play the mysterious aspect. Not enough of Diesel in the off-number books to decide between the two. (Hmm...Paul's been in the movies with Vin, and Gerard has been in a flick with Jeffrey Dean Morgan.)
Lula: Sherri Shepherd - Lovable, energetic, excitement. Can't you see her moseying on up to The Rock?
Connie: Jennifer Coolidge - She could put Vinnie in his place.
Grandma Mazur: Ann Morgan Guilbert - I've never pictured anyone other than The Nanny's Grandma Yetta.
Mr. Plum: James Gandolfini - I can just see him sitting at the table, behind the paper, mumbling expletives at Grandma Mazur.
Mrs. Plum: Blythe Danner - The look. She can give the look. And she'll be standing on the porch waiting for Stephanie.
Valerie: Jennie Garth - The perfect daughter, who is kind of bumbling, but could also ram a van through a house to save her sister.
Kloughn: Kevin James - Who else could play the Pillsbury Doughboy? We know he can pull it off...Hitch.
Vinnie: Steve Buscemi or Joe Pantoliano - Sometimes, I picture one, and at other times, I picture the other. What was I thinking??? Now that I am in Book 9, Vinnie must be Stanley Tucci. I love him. He can play a weenie, but a lovable one. And he would be capable of bounty hunter stuff.
Joyce: Debi Mazar - She can do mean (Beethoven movies). She could pull off those leather outfits.
Mooner: Jon Heder - Is there anyone else?
Dougie: Matthew Lillard - Think Shaggy.
Dickie Orr: Ben Affleck - Wannabe corporate climber
Sally Sweet: Steve Valentine - He's the closest actor to a guy I went to college with that I picture in this role.
Mrs. Morelli: Lorraine Bracco - Strong, no-nonsense matriarch
Grandma Bella: Olympia Dukakis - She could put the eye on anyone, but turn around and wink at Joe.
Eddie Gazarra: George Eads - Actually, he's a runner-up for Joe, and so I put him here so that he'd still be in the movie, because he is hot.
Carl Costanza: Mark Wahlberg - He is just hot, not that Carl is described that way. Again...he needs to be in my movie.
Mary Lou: Melissa McCarthy - Would this be hilarious...teaming Sookie and Lorelai back up?
Thursday, July 3, 2008
No relationship is better!
I just had a conversation with a friend...on how when you are in a bad relationship, it's hard to see it for yourself.
My friend is in a good relationship. She's happily married. Of course, you all know that I am not in a relationship, at least not a real one with a real man. There's always Joe...he's so dependable...waiting for me in his tank.
Anyway, I have several friends who are in BAD relationships right now. It's hard to hear about them; it's hard to listen to the crying all the time. I think back to when I would call my Mother every night crying, wondering what in the world was going on with my husband and why was he doing the things he was doing. That was 10 years ago...a lifetime ago! I didn't even really know what he was doing at the time. I just knew that he continually hurt my feelings. Why would he do that?
I had another bad relationship. He wants to restart it. There's no way. I'm out of it now and can see that it did neither of us any good the way that it was. There was no abuse or anything like that. It was just dysfunctional.
The better question that I can ask myself now is...why did I put up with it? With the crap from either one?
How can I get my friends to see this, to realize that they do NOT have to put up with it.
One friend is married. She is constantly belittled by her controlling, abusive husband. He's slowly, but surely killing her spirit.
One friend...I just read about in the newspaper! No names were mentioned, but I'm sure that it's her. Domestic assault...there is no excuse. Get out. Get out of that shit now! Why would you want to be with someone like that when you could be content with yourself? And she made excuses for him. Why? Where there is so much smoke, there is fire.
Hindsight is clear. Wake up! Pretend to be out of the relationship. Wake up and look at what
you're allowing to happen to yourself. Would you want your child, your sibling, your niece, your friend in a relationship like yours? NO!
Your body is a temple. Your mind...your soul...take care.
Relationships are taking care of one another. If he is not taking care with you, he is NOT worth it. He needs to care for every part of you. He needs to treasure you. We are all Princesses. If he is not Prince material, kick his butt to the curb.
I met a woman a couple of weeks ago at an event. Her husband is cheating on her. They have two young children. (Sound familiar?) He is still living at home, and she is still cooking for him and doing his laundry. NO! NO! NO! No way! Out, damn spot! OUT! He is not taking care of her; he is disrespecting her. She owes him nothing. This is not mutual. Put (some of) his clothes in a garbage bag and put it on the stoop! He is a parasite. You may have loved him once, but he is no longer that good person. He is Kafka's cockroach. He changed.
This life is about building up one another. If he is tearing you down, you do NOT need him.
No one looks forward to a relationship ending. We grow up dreaming about a marriage that lasts forever. Well, it takes two, baby! It takes two!
It takes two, and it takes two who lovingly, adoringly work at it.
Last week, I went to a graduation party. (Weddings have the same effect on me.) Might as well call them Noah's Arks. Everyone is paired off...and then there's Maude! No, that's not right. hehe. And then there's me...ALONE. It's not easy. It sometimes makes me sad. But I have other relationships. I have family who would never desert me. I have friends who think I am wonderful. Until I meet a man who can meet those requirements, yes, requirements, I don't need to bother with jerks. I am a wonderful woman. I deserve a wonderful man.
These wonderful women that I mentioned all deserve better.
My friend is in a good relationship. She's happily married. Of course, you all know that I am not in a relationship, at least not a real one with a real man. There's always Joe...he's so dependable...waiting for me in his tank.
Anyway, I have several friends who are in BAD relationships right now. It's hard to hear about them; it's hard to listen to the crying all the time. I think back to when I would call my Mother every night crying, wondering what in the world was going on with my husband and why was he doing the things he was doing. That was 10 years ago...a lifetime ago! I didn't even really know what he was doing at the time. I just knew that he continually hurt my feelings. Why would he do that?
I had another bad relationship. He wants to restart it. There's no way. I'm out of it now and can see that it did neither of us any good the way that it was. There was no abuse or anything like that. It was just dysfunctional.
The better question that I can ask myself now is...why did I put up with it? With the crap from either one?
How can I get my friends to see this, to realize that they do NOT have to put up with it.
One friend is married. She is constantly belittled by her controlling, abusive husband. He's slowly, but surely killing her spirit.
One friend...I just read about in the newspaper! No names were mentioned, but I'm sure that it's her. Domestic assault...there is no excuse. Get out. Get out of that shit now! Why would you want to be with someone like that when you could be content with yourself? And she made excuses for him. Why? Where there is so much smoke, there is fire.
Hindsight is clear. Wake up! Pretend to be out of the relationship. Wake up and look at what
you're allowing to happen to yourself. Would you want your child, your sibling, your niece, your friend in a relationship like yours? NO!
Your body is a temple. Your mind...your soul...take care.
Relationships are taking care of one another. If he is not taking care with you, he is NOT worth it. He needs to care for every part of you. He needs to treasure you. We are all Princesses. If he is not Prince material, kick his butt to the curb.
I met a woman a couple of weeks ago at an event. Her husband is cheating on her. They have two young children. (Sound familiar?) He is still living at home, and she is still cooking for him and doing his laundry. NO! NO! NO! No way! Out, damn spot! OUT! He is not taking care of her; he is disrespecting her. She owes him nothing. This is not mutual. Put (some of) his clothes in a garbage bag and put it on the stoop! He is a parasite. You may have loved him once, but he is no longer that good person. He is Kafka's cockroach. He changed.
This life is about building up one another. If he is tearing you down, you do NOT need him.
No one looks forward to a relationship ending. We grow up dreaming about a marriage that lasts forever. Well, it takes two, baby! It takes two!
It takes two, and it takes two who lovingly, adoringly work at it.
Last week, I went to a graduation party. (Weddings have the same effect on me.) Might as well call them Noah's Arks. Everyone is paired off...and then there's Maude! No, that's not right. hehe. And then there's me...ALONE. It's not easy. It sometimes makes me sad. But I have other relationships. I have family who would never desert me. I have friends who think I am wonderful. Until I meet a man who can meet those requirements, yes, requirements, I don't need to bother with jerks. I am a wonderful woman. I deserve a wonderful man.
These wonderful women that I mentioned all deserve better.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Dreaming about work? or at work?
I had a dream. It seemed to last all night long. I kept thinking to myself. This is a dream...I wish it would change gears and get better. Anyway, Doug in Facilities took away my nice, big, 3-drawer file cabinet and replaced it with this really beat-up 2-drawer thing that barely opened up for about 10 files to fit. I guess this goes along with my last posting. I just don't feel like the company is giving me what I need to succeed. I kept trying to get them to give me back the nice cabinet. I went looking for it. I asked others to help me look for it, but they left me hanging.
And then it was storming - raining, blowing, snowing - at work, in the building. Not so much symbolic, as the actual temperature in the actual building. (Right now, I'm wearing a jacket and am covered up with a blanket.) Why they think shivering is conducive to productivity is beyond me?
It was so nice to work in a nice temperature on Monday from home. My shoulders weren't all hunched up at the end of the day. Yesterday, I went out at lunch, mainly because others were driving me insane with their constant chatter. However, it gave me a chance to warm up. How nice, not to be frozen to the core! Anyway, I'll have to find something to do during my lunch hours. I cannot go out to eat every day, because my body cannot handle that. I cannot go out shopping every day, because my wallet cannot handle that. Too bad there's no hot dude I can meet on my lunch hour! Now, that would make me dream AT work, instead of dreaming ABOUT work. That would be way better!
And then it was storming - raining, blowing, snowing - at work, in the building. Not so much symbolic, as the actual temperature in the actual building. (Right now, I'm wearing a jacket and am covered up with a blanket.) Why they think shivering is conducive to productivity is beyond me?
It was so nice to work in a nice temperature on Monday from home. My shoulders weren't all hunched up at the end of the day. Yesterday, I went out at lunch, mainly because others were driving me insane with their constant chatter. However, it gave me a chance to warm up. How nice, not to be frozen to the core! Anyway, I'll have to find something to do during my lunch hours. I cannot go out to eat every day, because my body cannot handle that. I cannot go out shopping every day, because my wallet cannot handle that. Too bad there's no hot dude I can meet on my lunch hour! Now, that would make me dream AT work, instead of dreaming ABOUT work. That would be way better!
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Am I really cut out for sales?
I am so ready to cry.
I work my booty off. I am busy. I am nice to my customers. I get things done. Nothing comes from it. Not even mentioning co-workers who stand around and chat all freaking day long. Not just comments here and there. They chatter all day long. And then they ring the freaking bell...order in!
I keep explaining what I need so that I can be successful. It's just not happening. I am being set up for failure. Why?
I work my booty off. I am busy. I am nice to my customers. I get things done. Nothing comes from it. Not even mentioning co-workers who stand around and chat all freaking day long. Not just comments here and there. They chatter all day long. And then they ring the freaking bell...order in!
I keep explaining what I need so that I can be successful. It's just not happening. I am being set up for failure. Why?
Monday, June 30, 2008
Brrr...$99 is better than $1,000
I worked from home today. Why? My refrigerator went ka-pooey on Saturday night. Everything was ruined. I threw away 3 bags of food from the frig. The bags weren't jam-packed full, but food is heavy even before it goes to my hips. Who knew?
Anyway, the frig was warm when I woke up on Sunday morning. I was told that the freezer should be okay, but by mid-afternoon, I discovered mushy popsicles. I cooked a bunch of stuff that I thought Sophie might eat. Nope...having none of it. She asked me for chicken strips and tater tots all day on Saturday (breakfast, lunch, dinner and every snack) and for Sunday breakfast. When I made boxes of chicken and bags of tots, she didn't want any of it. My stay-out-until-midnight-girl was napping and couldn't help me eat anything I cooked up. So, I pigged out until I felt sick.
I didn't like the frozen veggie lasagna or the oven reds, but I loved the gluten-free waffles and sweet potato fries. So, when restocking, I will definitely buy with that in mind.
So, what was wrong with the refrigerator, you ask? What cost me $99 for a service call?
A broken screw!
(Better than $1,000 for a new frig though, which is what a replacement would have cost.)
Anyway, the frig was warm when I woke up on Sunday morning. I was told that the freezer should be okay, but by mid-afternoon, I discovered mushy popsicles. I cooked a bunch of stuff that I thought Sophie might eat. Nope...having none of it. She asked me for chicken strips and tater tots all day on Saturday (breakfast, lunch, dinner and every snack) and for Sunday breakfast. When I made boxes of chicken and bags of tots, she didn't want any of it. My stay-out-until-midnight-girl was napping and couldn't help me eat anything I cooked up. So, I pigged out until I felt sick.
I didn't like the frozen veggie lasagna or the oven reds, but I loved the gluten-free waffles and sweet potato fries. So, when restocking, I will definitely buy with that in mind.
So, what was wrong with the refrigerator, you ask? What cost me $99 for a service call?
A broken screw!
(Better than $1,000 for a new frig though, which is what a replacement would have cost.)
Monday, June 23, 2008
The tooth that almost broke this camel's back
Anyone who knows me knows that taking Sophie to the dentist is hard. Really hard. In the past, she has thrown herself onto the floor, kicked, screamed, cried, anything to protest. I cannot blame her. Not even taking her sensory issues into account, what 9-year-old really likes to have work done at the dentist?
She had an appointment this afternoon for Dr. Ray to take a look at a couple of teeth with small cavities. We talked about the process, the steps, we would take to get into the examining room. Getting kept an hour waiting was probably a blessing in disguise as I went over the steps again and again. This is the basic gist of what I said:
Sophie, when Dr. Ray calls your name, you are going to stand up on your own and follow him to the examining room. Mom will follow you, and Hannah will follow Mom. Then, you will sit in the big chair. When Dr. Ray asks you to open your mouth, you will open your mouth.
She laughed during my instructions, and she even opened her mouth when I asked. So, I knew that she was really listening. Well, this was the best trip to the dentist so far, because...
When Dr. Ray called her name, (she did not stand up of her own accord, but...) she stood up with some gentle pulling from me. Then Dr. Ray and I each grabbed an arm and guided her back to the examining room. (Last time, she threw herself down on the floor in front of the examining room door, and I had to use the special hold to lift her up and literally drag her all the way into the room.) She (didn't so much as sit in the examining chair, but she...) kneeled in the examining chair. I had to help her turn around and sit. (Just a few shorts months ago, she practically toppled me to the floor when we tried to have x-rays taken.) Dr. Ray told her to open her mouth for x-rays, and she did. She still struggled, but she did it. I was so proud of her. My big girl!
Well, the x-rays showed that the cavities had progressed for action. With baby teeth, we opt to pull if the adult tooth is close to coming in. So, after the shot, Dr. Ray prodded and pulled 2 teeth from her upper right side. It wouldn't have been so bad, but a couple of roots ran deep and stubborn. (Deep and stubborn? Must be a family trait! hehe) The whole appointment lasted about 45 minutes. By the root-pulling time, Sophie had had enough and struggled and cried. Keep in mind that during this whole time, I was lying over her hips and holding each hand with each of my hands, and Hannah had been keeping her feet from throwing her weight over the side of the chair. Dr. Ray had her head in a very gentle, but firm grip on her right side, and a hygienist was helping keep her left shoulder down. Somewhere in the midst of the tooth-pulling, another hygienist had come in to help hold her legs.
Finally done! Sophie catapulted off the chair and stood until I told her to sit and relax in the "nice" chair over to the side. I could barely stand after holding her for 45 minutes. Keep in mind that there is a fine balance between restraining her for her safety and possibly hurting her. Not once did I have my weight on her. Anyway, what I had to do was nothing compared to what poor Sophie endured.
Instructions for after tooth-pulling: No crunchy food for 3 hours. What??? No crunchy? Crunchy is one of Sophie's 4 major food groups. Just water and soft foods like yogurt or ice cream. (For some reason, Sophie is off eating yogurt. I'm not happy about that and am trying to figure out why.) We drove to Grandma's house for water. Then, we went to Wendy's for a frosty, but she didn't want it. Hmm? I think she wanted fries or mint-flavored ice cream? We drove around until I thought she seemed in better spirits. We went to Timbertown, and Sophie had a blast. (Hannah's splinter and the two hot dudes with peroxide is a whole other story!)
After 3 hours (yay!), we drove home, where Sophie immediately chowed down on her crunchy food. She was wild. No matter what time we get home, I think that she thinks she gets the same amount of awake time. However, I got her into bed a little after 9 p.m. We did some "talking" with her communication device which made her giggle uncontrollably. To settle her down a bit, I lied down next to her.
She tossed and turned a bit.
She stuck her hand in her mouth.
She rolled over and placed something on the nightstand.
Tooth #3! The tooth that almost broke this camel's back!
My first guilty thought was that she was somehow injured, that by allowing the dentist to work on her, I allowed her tooth to come out. (Dr. Ray is the best dentist. He is so gentle, yet safe. he never yells when Sophie bites him. In no way would he injure her.) However, I was (still am!) exhausted and was slightly shocked.
"Hannah! Sophie just lost another tooth!"
Hannah assured me that it was indeed a baby tooth and probably was due to come out anyway.
What does the Tooth Fairy owe a kid with 2 pulled teeth and 1 regularly-fallen-out tooth? It's a good thing Sophie is so special, because she's getting 1 DVD, and she won't complain!
Is it healthy that I laughed about this instead of cried? Or does that make me somewhat looney?
She had an appointment this afternoon for Dr. Ray to take a look at a couple of teeth with small cavities. We talked about the process, the steps, we would take to get into the examining room. Getting kept an hour waiting was probably a blessing in disguise as I went over the steps again and again. This is the basic gist of what I said:
Sophie, when Dr. Ray calls your name, you are going to stand up on your own and follow him to the examining room. Mom will follow you, and Hannah will follow Mom. Then, you will sit in the big chair. When Dr. Ray asks you to open your mouth, you will open your mouth.
She laughed during my instructions, and she even opened her mouth when I asked. So, I knew that she was really listening. Well, this was the best trip to the dentist so far, because...
When Dr. Ray called her name, (she did not stand up of her own accord, but...) she stood up with some gentle pulling from me. Then Dr. Ray and I each grabbed an arm and guided her back to the examining room. (Last time, she threw herself down on the floor in front of the examining room door, and I had to use the special hold to lift her up and literally drag her all the way into the room.) She (didn't so much as sit in the examining chair, but she...) kneeled in the examining chair. I had to help her turn around and sit. (Just a few shorts months ago, she practically toppled me to the floor when we tried to have x-rays taken.) Dr. Ray told her to open her mouth for x-rays, and she did. She still struggled, but she did it. I was so proud of her. My big girl!
Well, the x-rays showed that the cavities had progressed for action. With baby teeth, we opt to pull if the adult tooth is close to coming in. So, after the shot, Dr. Ray prodded and pulled 2 teeth from her upper right side. It wouldn't have been so bad, but a couple of roots ran deep and stubborn. (Deep and stubborn? Must be a family trait! hehe) The whole appointment lasted about 45 minutes. By the root-pulling time, Sophie had had enough and struggled and cried. Keep in mind that during this whole time, I was lying over her hips and holding each hand with each of my hands, and Hannah had been keeping her feet from throwing her weight over the side of the chair. Dr. Ray had her head in a very gentle, but firm grip on her right side, and a hygienist was helping keep her left shoulder down. Somewhere in the midst of the tooth-pulling, another hygienist had come in to help hold her legs.
Finally done! Sophie catapulted off the chair and stood until I told her to sit and relax in the "nice" chair over to the side. I could barely stand after holding her for 45 minutes. Keep in mind that there is a fine balance between restraining her for her safety and possibly hurting her. Not once did I have my weight on her. Anyway, what I had to do was nothing compared to what poor Sophie endured.
Instructions for after tooth-pulling: No crunchy food for 3 hours. What??? No crunchy? Crunchy is one of Sophie's 4 major food groups. Just water and soft foods like yogurt or ice cream. (For some reason, Sophie is off eating yogurt. I'm not happy about that and am trying to figure out why.) We drove to Grandma's house for water. Then, we went to Wendy's for a frosty, but she didn't want it. Hmm? I think she wanted fries or mint-flavored ice cream? We drove around until I thought she seemed in better spirits. We went to Timbertown, and Sophie had a blast. (Hannah's splinter and the two hot dudes with peroxide is a whole other story!)
After 3 hours (yay!), we drove home, where Sophie immediately chowed down on her crunchy food. She was wild. No matter what time we get home, I think that she thinks she gets the same amount of awake time. However, I got her into bed a little after 9 p.m. We did some "talking" with her communication device which made her giggle uncontrollably. To settle her down a bit, I lied down next to her.
She tossed and turned a bit.
She stuck her hand in her mouth.
She rolled over and placed something on the nightstand.
Tooth #3! The tooth that almost broke this camel's back!
My first guilty thought was that she was somehow injured, that by allowing the dentist to work on her, I allowed her tooth to come out. (Dr. Ray is the best dentist. He is so gentle, yet safe. he never yells when Sophie bites him. In no way would he injure her.) However, I was (still am!) exhausted and was slightly shocked.
"Hannah! Sophie just lost another tooth!"
Hannah assured me that it was indeed a baby tooth and probably was due to come out anyway.
What does the Tooth Fairy owe a kid with 2 pulled teeth and 1 regularly-fallen-out tooth? It's a good thing Sophie is so special, because she's getting 1 DVD, and she won't complain!
Is it healthy that I laughed about this instead of cried? Or does that make me somewhat looney?
Spa Day!
I just went to the Spa on Friday, June 13! I took Hannah. We each had an aromatherapy massage, pedicure, manicure, and then a facial. It was a long day, but wonderful.
However, maybe I'm feeling down, because it's a rare event. I need to take the time to go more often. The facial was the best!
It was quite a costly endeavor. However, it was our "vacation"! And I thought that the environment would be better at work when I returned that Monday. However, it's still freezing! The wind has diminished, because there are fewer people using the wind tunnel behind me. The temperature is almost unbearable. I've brought in a blanket that keeps me warmer. The stress from the cold and the constant noise from the wind is totally unhealthy. It's too bad. I like the location. I just wish that someone in facilities would care.
However, maybe I'm feeling down, because it's a rare event. I need to take the time to go more often. The facial was the best!
It was quite a costly endeavor. However, it was our "vacation"! And I thought that the environment would be better at work when I returned that Monday. However, it's still freezing! The wind has diminished, because there are fewer people using the wind tunnel behind me. The temperature is almost unbearable. I've brought in a blanket that keeps me warmer. The stress from the cold and the constant noise from the wind is totally unhealthy. It's too bad. I like the location. I just wish that someone in facilities would care.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Where is the joy?
There's so much to do.
I'm going through the motions.
I go to work. I try to do as much as I can, but there is so much to do that sometimes I cannot get anything done. How do you prioritize a hundred things? It takes me weeks to complete things that I want to get done.
I'm at home. There is so much to do. I'd like to complete the things that are still on my Moving-In list after almost 5 years. How do I get those things done when I can barely keep the floors swept and do the laundry and pay the bills?
I visit friends. I love my kids, but when I take my kids along, I have nothing to say. I am so busy looking after them, how do I portray my usual witty self?
Where is the joy? Where is my joie de vivre? Where did it go?
I'm going through the motions.
I go to work. I try to do as much as I can, but there is so much to do that sometimes I cannot get anything done. How do you prioritize a hundred things? It takes me weeks to complete things that I want to get done.
I'm at home. There is so much to do. I'd like to complete the things that are still on my Moving-In list after almost 5 years. How do I get those things done when I can barely keep the floors swept and do the laundry and pay the bills?
I visit friends. I love my kids, but when I take my kids along, I have nothing to say. I am so busy looking after them, how do I portray my usual witty self?
Where is the joy? Where is my joie de vivre? Where did it go?
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Whether to weather the weather
Just yesterday I had lunch with a woman who also knows my sister and her family. Jennifer said how great and happy I seemed. I told her that I would be completely happy if my sister and her family would just move back to Michigan.
I've spent the last few nights up watching the radar and checking the Lawrence Journal website for tornado news. Once the storm moves through, then I go to bed. Tonight, the Lawrence Journal says just rain now, but the front still hasn't gone through where my nephew lives. And so I wait. I know that they will be fine, but I just feel better waiting. I cannot imagine their wait for the storm to pass.
The storms here seem like puddles compared to the oceans of a storm that they get.
I've spent the last few nights up watching the radar and checking the Lawrence Journal website for tornado news. Once the storm moves through, then I go to bed. Tonight, the Lawrence Journal says just rain now, but the front still hasn't gone through where my nephew lives. And so I wait. I know that they will be fine, but I just feel better waiting. I cannot imagine their wait for the storm to pass.
The storms here seem like puddles compared to the oceans of a storm that they get.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Windows Vista...no hope on its horizon
I am not a computer-idiot. People come to me at work with their computer questions. I am not afraid to try things to see what works.
I have never been so frustrated with a computer as I have with the Wild Boar! (New Dell computer named by my brother, not by me.) I love the hardware and most of its guts. It's fast, but Windows Vista is making me furious. I tried to download a firewall and antivirus program. The same stuff worked on my antiquated Dell (named Dellbert), and it worked beautifully. My brother has used it on other computers and recommended it to others. Vista won't let me connect to the internet if I am running this firewall. Well, I guess it's definitely a wall then.
I even went to the iolo website to look for something to do to fix it. Lo and behold, I found something. Do you think that Vista would let it work.? No.
I must have called my brother 10 times.
Bill Gates...go back to the drawing board. Simplify. Vista sucks.
I have never been so frustrated with a computer as I have with the Wild Boar! (New Dell computer named by my brother, not by me.) I love the hardware and most of its guts. It's fast, but Windows Vista is making me furious. I tried to download a firewall and antivirus program. The same stuff worked on my antiquated Dell (named Dellbert), and it worked beautifully. My brother has used it on other computers and recommended it to others. Vista won't let me connect to the internet if I am running this firewall. Well, I guess it's definitely a wall then.
I even went to the iolo website to look for something to do to fix it. Lo and behold, I found something. Do you think that Vista would let it work.? No.
I must have called my brother 10 times.
Bill Gates...go back to the drawing board. Simplify. Vista sucks.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Little girls...make me want to cry
Sophie got a haircut last week. She did not cry or scream for the first time in years.
I want to cry.
Sophie went to church with me for the 6th week in a row.
I want to cry.
Sophie covered her mouth when she yawned.
I want to cry.
Sophie did not cry during or after her shower.
I want to cry.
Hannah also got a haircut, and she looks 16 years old!
I want to cry.
I want to cry.
Sophie went to church with me for the 6th week in a row.
I want to cry.
Sophie covered her mouth when she yawned.
I want to cry.
Sophie did not cry during or after her shower.
I want to cry.
Hannah also got a haircut, and she looks 16 years old!
I want to cry.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
It's a bird. It's a plane. It's Sister Siena!
This is a Nun. This is a Super-Nun. This is a Super-Nun at Siena.
To be inspired, read and see what she's up to in the new R(e)flections magazine. (I used to edit the Reflections magazine, back in the younger day 18 years or so ago!)
Sister Pat started teaching at Siena sometime while I was a student. After watching the video, I know that she's the same vibrant, caring, action heroine that I remember after (that's right!) 20 years. Seeing her and listening to her just now brought me home to Siena.
Competent, purposeful, ethical.
She epitomizes it. The best that I can do...try to live it in my own way. I am competent to the best of my ability. I try to be purposeful, although at times I am lazy, but in a recuperative way. I am ethical - no doubt (not the band, but the sentiment).
Sister Pat does good work. She has staying power at Siena and in my memory.
Hello...George!
George Clooney and his girlfriend have split up after a year of dating.
George, please, it's about time. You are old enough to be her father. Was she even allowed to watch TV when you were on Facts of Life in the 80s? There are so many available, beautiful, interesting, intelligent, hardworking, and mature women who would appreciate your company.
You can pick me up on Friday at 7 p.m. I'll be ready.
George, please, it's about time. You are old enough to be her father. Was she even allowed to watch TV when you were on Facts of Life in the 80s? There are so many available, beautiful, interesting, intelligent, hardworking, and mature women who would appreciate your company.
You can pick me up on Friday at 7 p.m. I'll be ready.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
How a brain functions...autism?
Jill Bolte Taylor got a research opportunity few brain scientists would wish for: She had a massive stroke, and watched as her brain functions -- motion, speech, self-awareness –- shut down one by one. An astonishing story.
http://www.ted.com/talks/view/id/229
(available at www.TED.com)
I've watched this video two times already today, and I'll probably watch it several more times. My brother Greg sent the link to me. Sometimes, he sends me scary and weird things, but this one is a gem. I started to watch it and called my 13-year-old into the room to watch it with me. I asked my Mother to watch it. (I think she was slightly skeptical and that it made her sad.) I sent the link to some family/friends and to teachers of my 9-year-old daughter who has autism.
My intent was to show a glimpse into my daughter's head. Here, in the video, an educated adult explains how hard it is to think when there's been a trauma to your brain (in the scientist's case, a stroke; in Sophie's case, vaccine damage). She also explains vividly how each hemisphere thinks differently.
I think that my autie-girl thinks in some of those same ways.
Even though I shared the link with others, the video is still in my head. I just really needed to pick it apart and talk more about it. So, I'm watching it again, and making notes here. My comments in italics.
Jill the scientist's interest stemmed from her brother's schizophrenia. She said that he could not connect his dream into reality.
People say that autistics live in their own worlds.
Jill says that the two sides of the brain are completely separate, but communicate. They process things differently; they have different personalities.
Autistics process ideas differently than non-autistics.
The right hemisphere is about right here and now. It learns through our bodies, movement, energy. Our senses!
Sophie learns best by doing, not being being told how to do something. She wants things now, when she wants them. Patience was not easy, but she has learned to have some.
The left hemisphere thinks linearly, about the past and the future. It takes the collage of the present moment and organizes it.
Sophie needs time to process and organize all those floating details.
The left side thinks in language.
Sophie thinks in pictures.
It's the voice that says I am separate from the world and others in it.
Sophie thinks that we are here to serve her, that we should know what she wants, what she is thinking.
Jill describes the way that she viewed her body during the beginning of her stroke. Her reality had shifted that she was part of some larger space, that she is moving in slow motion, that she lost her balance, that she cannot define the boundaries of her body. Her body was blended with inanimate space.
Sophie does not have good control over her large motor skills or her fine motor skills. She is strong, but does not know her own strength. (I think that Bambam from the Flintstones was autistic.) She can run fast, but might stumble. It's taken years, but she can use scissors. She cannot color within the lines though.
Jill was, at one point, in her silent mind, but was captivated by the energy around her.
Sophie loves the world around, maybe because she sees herself as part of it, a fast car ride on a sunny day filled with shadows, a blustery day of leaves twirling and twittering, the chaos of books, movies, toys, blankets, scarves scattered haphazardly about her room, and her favorite... the twirl and glimmer of beads as they extend from her hand in the most creative and natural way.
Jill said the right side sees/feels euphorically.
Autistics sometimes laugh and giggle and get excited for no apparent reason that a non-autistic can detect.
It Jill 45 minutes to figure out how to call her office for help.
Autistics need time to process.
When Jill woke up at the hospital, her sensory system was overloaded. Light burned her eyes. Sounds were so loud that she could not pick out a specific voice. She couldn't identify her body in the space.
I think that sometimes, Sophie becomes overloaded. She squeezed her eyes shut tight. She covers her ears. She consistently requests that I rub her arms and legs. Maybe so she knows where they are?
Thinking with the right side is peaceful.
Autistics do not lie or cheat.
If you could choose how your brain functioned, which side would be dominant?
http://www.ted.com/talks/view/id/229
(available at www.TED.com)
I've watched this video two times already today, and I'll probably watch it several more times. My brother Greg sent the link to me. Sometimes, he sends me scary and weird things, but this one is a gem. I started to watch it and called my 13-year-old into the room to watch it with me. I asked my Mother to watch it. (I think she was slightly skeptical and that it made her sad.) I sent the link to some family/friends and to teachers of my 9-year-old daughter who has autism.
My intent was to show a glimpse into my daughter's head. Here, in the video, an educated adult explains how hard it is to think when there's been a trauma to your brain (in the scientist's case, a stroke; in Sophie's case, vaccine damage). She also explains vividly how each hemisphere thinks differently.
I think that my autie-girl thinks in some of those same ways.
Even though I shared the link with others, the video is still in my head. I just really needed to pick it apart and talk more about it. So, I'm watching it again, and making notes here. My comments in italics.
Jill the scientist's interest stemmed from her brother's schizophrenia. She said that he could not connect his dream into reality.
People say that autistics live in their own worlds.
Jill says that the two sides of the brain are completely separate, but communicate. They process things differently; they have different personalities.
Autistics process ideas differently than non-autistics.
The right hemisphere is about right here and now. It learns through our bodies, movement, energy. Our senses!
Sophie learns best by doing, not being being told how to do something. She wants things now, when she wants them. Patience was not easy, but she has learned to have some.
The left hemisphere thinks linearly, about the past and the future. It takes the collage of the present moment and organizes it.
Sophie needs time to process and organize all those floating details.
The left side thinks in language.
Sophie thinks in pictures.
It's the voice that says I am separate from the world and others in it.
Sophie thinks that we are here to serve her, that we should know what she wants, what she is thinking.
Jill describes the way that she viewed her body during the beginning of her stroke. Her reality had shifted that she was part of some larger space, that she is moving in slow motion, that she lost her balance, that she cannot define the boundaries of her body. Her body was blended with inanimate space.
Sophie does not have good control over her large motor skills or her fine motor skills. She is strong, but does not know her own strength. (I think that Bambam from the Flintstones was autistic.) She can run fast, but might stumble. It's taken years, but she can use scissors. She cannot color within the lines though.
Jill was, at one point, in her silent mind, but was captivated by the energy around her.
Sophie loves the world around, maybe because she sees herself as part of it, a fast car ride on a sunny day filled with shadows, a blustery day of leaves twirling and twittering, the chaos of books, movies, toys, blankets, scarves scattered haphazardly about her room, and her favorite... the twirl and glimmer of beads as they extend from her hand in the most creative and natural way.
Jill said the right side sees/feels euphorically.
Autistics sometimes laugh and giggle and get excited for no apparent reason that a non-autistic can detect.
It Jill 45 minutes to figure out how to call her office for help.
Autistics need time to process.
When Jill woke up at the hospital, her sensory system was overloaded. Light burned her eyes. Sounds were so loud that she could not pick out a specific voice. She couldn't identify her body in the space.
I think that sometimes, Sophie becomes overloaded. She squeezed her eyes shut tight. She covers her ears. She consistently requests that I rub her arms and legs. Maybe so she knows where they are?
Thinking with the right side is peaceful.
Autistics do not lie or cheat.
If you could choose how your brain functioned, which side would be dominant?
Memorial Day (Weekend)
At work yesterday, a few people asked me what my big plans for the weekend are.
Well, I do realize that for most people Memorial Day is day off work, and I am not complaining about that! Most folks plan to go up north or to the lake or to have big barbecue in their own backyard. As well they should! We all work hard enough during the week and deserve a mini-holiday.
However, some seemed surprised when I said my only real plan is what I plan every year at this time...to go to the cemetery. This morning, I'll take my daughters and pick up my Mother. She's bought a few plants, and we'll place them on the graves of people we remember. This is in preparation for the actual day. Today, we'll visit each family member, and it'll be light-hearted. We'll be doing something, and Hannah will be asking questions, trying to remember where some of the older relatives are.
On Monday, I'll go by the cemetery again. But then, I will go to my Dad's grave, and place my hand on my heart and I will remember and pray.
We remember how you loved us to Your death,
And still we celebrate for You are with us here.
And we believe that we will see You when you come in Your glory, Lord.
We remember, we celebrate, we believe!
Well, I do realize that for most people Memorial Day is day off work, and I am not complaining about that! Most folks plan to go up north or to the lake or to have big barbecue in their own backyard. As well they should! We all work hard enough during the week and deserve a mini-holiday.
However, some seemed surprised when I said my only real plan is what I plan every year at this time...to go to the cemetery. This morning, I'll take my daughters and pick up my Mother. She's bought a few plants, and we'll place them on the graves of people we remember. This is in preparation for the actual day. Today, we'll visit each family member, and it'll be light-hearted. We'll be doing something, and Hannah will be asking questions, trying to remember where some of the older relatives are.
On Monday, I'll go by the cemetery again. But then, I will go to my Dad's grave, and place my hand on my heart and I will remember and pray.
We remember how you loved us to Your death,
And still we celebrate for You are with us here.
And we believe that we will see You when you come in Your glory, Lord.
We remember, we celebrate, we believe!
Friday, May 23, 2008
Air Exchangers?
Anyone know anything about air exchangers between connecting buildings?
I have a 20 mph (estimated, maybe exaggerated, but definitely annoying) wind blowing on the back of me all day long.
My skin is drier than it's been since I had a gall bladder.
I cannot breathe through my nose.
My eyes are dry.
My ears are plugged from the constant noise. (It sounds like a cold, winter wind blowing in the middle of a dark night.)
My hands get so cold that I can barely type.
I am in sensory overload. Sensory overload causes lack of focus. What was I talking about? Oh...
I was really looking forward to being so, so, so productive in my new cube/pod space. I don't know why it's so hard to get someone to take this seriously. You'd think that creating a non-offensive workspace would be a reasonable request.
I get the standard, pat answer, "We've checked, and everything is fine. "
When did they check? I haven't seen anyone checking anything around here during the work day.
Oh, how I long for the open, fresh air of Oklahoma! (Maria showed me a blog (http://thepioneerwoman.com/confessions/) with Oklahoman Rancher, who is looking for a new wife. hehehe)
I have a 20 mph (estimated, maybe exaggerated, but definitely annoying) wind blowing on the back of me all day long.
My skin is drier than it's been since I had a gall bladder.
I cannot breathe through my nose.
My eyes are dry.
My ears are plugged from the constant noise. (It sounds like a cold, winter wind blowing in the middle of a dark night.)
My hands get so cold that I can barely type.
I am in sensory overload. Sensory overload causes lack of focus. What was I talking about? Oh...
I was really looking forward to being so, so, so productive in my new cube/pod space. I don't know why it's so hard to get someone to take this seriously. You'd think that creating a non-offensive workspace would be a reasonable request.
I get the standard, pat answer, "We've checked, and everything is fine. "
When did they check? I haven't seen anyone checking anything around here during the work day.
Oh, how I long for the open, fresh air of Oklahoma! (Maria showed me a blog (http://thepioneerwoman.com/confessions/) with Oklahoman Rancher, who is looking for a new wife. hehehe)
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Magnets
Why is it that what I push away...I attract?
It was always that way. It's like he could feel me pulling away, forgetting, moving on, whatever it was, and that's when he would reach out, pull, or cajole.
Over the last few years, I've deleted thousands and thousands of emails. Just a few nights ago, I finally deleted his cell number from my mobile phone. I deleted him.
So, today, he emails and calls.
So, why didn't his engagement work out? He says it's my fault. Ha!
It's really his insecurity and her insecurity. A matching set of baggage. It had nothing to do with me. They pushed themselves apart. Two of the exact same magnets who pushed apart.
Not me...deleted.
It was always that way. It's like he could feel me pulling away, forgetting, moving on, whatever it was, and that's when he would reach out, pull, or cajole.
Over the last few years, I've deleted thousands and thousands of emails. Just a few nights ago, I finally deleted his cell number from my mobile phone. I deleted him.
So, today, he emails and calls.
So, why didn't his engagement work out? He says it's my fault. Ha!
It's really his insecurity and her insecurity. A matching set of baggage. It had nothing to do with me. They pushed themselves apart. Two of the exact same magnets who pushed apart.
Not me...deleted.
Simple Words = Prayer
My friend Lynne sent me these words in an email message. I found them moving enough to post here:
~~~
To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.
When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better.
The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.
~~~
Sometimes, simple words can create a prayer.
~~~
To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.
When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better.
The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.
~~~
Sometimes, simple words can create a prayer.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin'
People think that I don't like to hug. I love to hug.
If I were to cry, why would I want a hug? A hug would make me feel weak and make me cry harder...if I wasn't ready for it.
If I were in the privacy of my own home with someone I trusted or a hunky dude, then a hug would be good. My ex-dysfunction used to give me shoulder-time when I was upset. I liked shoulder-time. I loved it. I miss it. I'd like shoulder-time with a new man. Tenderness.
When my Dad walked me down the aisle, he patted my hand the whole way. I'm not sure if he was nervous or thought I was. Affection.
When my Dad died, I still remember the hugs from family and friends. I can still feel them, physically feel their arms around me. Comfort.
I get/give friendly hugs from/to friends I've known for 25 years. Those are nice. I trust those hugs. Trust.
The hugs when my Sister and her family are leaving after a visit are a way to hold onto them until the next visit. Kalli squeezes. Tyler pats my back. When I try to think of the description of my sister's hug, it hurts too much for words. Commitment.
I hug my daughters. True Love.
Today at work, some guy was talking to me and another woman. He said something about giving out free foot rubs, but how I wouldn't want one, because I don't like to be touched. Dude! What the French, Toast?
If anything, I tend to crave sensory input, like Sophie does. I love to get massages, manicures, pedicures. I'm not ticklish. I love to get my feet rubbed. I have a bumpy footstool at work so that I can take my shoes off and rub my own socked feet. It's a great stress-reliever.
However, to the point, and of course, I make light of it, because that's what I do. If some hottie were to give me a hug out of the blue when I was unprepared, I'd probably implode. Don't tease a girl with a sip of water when there's no well in sight. Seriously, I'd probably melt to the ground and cry in want of someone to hold me.
If I were to cry, why would I want a hug? A hug would make me feel weak and make me cry harder...if I wasn't ready for it.
If I were in the privacy of my own home with someone I trusted or a hunky dude, then a hug would be good. My ex-dysfunction used to give me shoulder-time when I was upset. I liked shoulder-time. I loved it. I miss it. I'd like shoulder-time with a new man. Tenderness.
When my Dad walked me down the aisle, he patted my hand the whole way. I'm not sure if he was nervous or thought I was. Affection.
When my Dad died, I still remember the hugs from family and friends. I can still feel them, physically feel their arms around me. Comfort.
I get/give friendly hugs from/to friends I've known for 25 years. Those are nice. I trust those hugs. Trust.
The hugs when my Sister and her family are leaving after a visit are a way to hold onto them until the next visit. Kalli squeezes. Tyler pats my back. When I try to think of the description of my sister's hug, it hurts too much for words. Commitment.
I hug my daughters. True Love.
Today at work, some guy was talking to me and another woman. He said something about giving out free foot rubs, but how I wouldn't want one, because I don't like to be touched. Dude! What the French, Toast?
If anything, I tend to crave sensory input, like Sophie does. I love to get massages, manicures, pedicures. I'm not ticklish. I love to get my feet rubbed. I have a bumpy footstool at work so that I can take my shoes off and rub my own socked feet. It's a great stress-reliever.
However, to the point, and of course, I make light of it, because that's what I do. If some hottie were to give me a hug out of the blue when I was unprepared, I'd probably implode. Don't tease a girl with a sip of water when there's no well in sight. Seriously, I'd probably melt to the ground and cry in want of someone to hold me.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Jewelry
Jewelry is beautiful, but…I just don't have the time to think about it. I have some pretty pieces in a jewelry box.
I wear the same earrings every day. I bought them in a 3-pack for like $7-8 from Target and gave the other 2 pairs to my daughter.
I wear the same ring every day. I’m pretty sure I bought it at Claire’s out of a plastic container full of the same ones. I think it might have cost $2.
I wear a bracelet that I bought from Dayspring Gifts (Hallmark Store) for $6. It’s basically a black rubber band with a silver circle that says, "Have Faith" on one side and "Expect Miracles" on the other.
I am jewelry-challenged.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Tonight's One Word
1. Where is your cell phone? charging
2. Your significant other? invisible?
3. Your hair? bandana
4. Your nails? plain
5. Your father? memories
6. Your favorite thing? cell
7. Your dream last night? frantic
8. Your favorite drink? coffee
9. Your dream/goal? book
10. The room you're in? family
11. Your eyes? blurry
12. Your fear? drowning
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? richer
14. Where were you last night? home
15. What you're not? happy
16. Muffins? orange
17. One of your wish list items? words
18. Where did you grow up? Chelsea
19. The last thing you did? laundry
20. What are you wearing? trackies
21. Your TV? off
22 Your pets? Rascal
23. Your computer? on
24. Your life? quick
25. Your mood? tense
26. Missing someone? Sister
27. Your car? Clifford
28. Something you're not wearing? socks
29. Favorite Store? Target
30. Your summer? Soon!
31. Like someone?
32. Your favorite color? orange
33. When is the last time you laughed? today
34. Last time you cried? blog
35. Who will/would re-post this? Hannah
2. Your significant other? invisible?
3. Your hair? bandana
4. Your nails? plain
5. Your father? memories
6. Your favorite thing? cell
7. Your dream last night? frantic
8. Your favorite drink? coffee
9. Your dream/goal? book
10. The room you're in? family
11. Your eyes? blurry
12. Your fear? drowning
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? richer
14. Where were you last night? home
15. What you're not? happy
16. Muffins? orange
17. One of your wish list items? words
18. Where did you grow up? Chelsea
19. The last thing you did? laundry
20. What are you wearing? trackies
21. Your TV? off
22 Your pets? Rascal
23. Your computer? on
24. Your life? quick
25. Your mood? tense
26. Missing someone? Sister
27. Your car? Clifford
28. Something you're not wearing? socks
29. Favorite Store? Target
30. Your summer? Soon!
31. Like someone?
32. Your favorite color? orange
33. When is the last time you laughed? today
34. Last time you cried? blog
35. Who will/would re-post this? Hannah
Monday, May 5, 2008
Alternate Universe...who is that girl who looks like Sophie?
Have you heard my troubles in trying to get Sophie to have better hygiene habits? It's been a long time of tricking and kicking and screaming into the shower, running from the bathroom when the toothbrush comes out, and absolutely refusing to get a haircut. (People with autism has extreme sensory issues. For example, I think that her hair actually hurts her scalp at times.)
Tonight, she walked into the bathroom, knowing that that she would take a shower. She walked in. She walked. I didn't have to drag her. It wasn't a fight. She walked in and lifted up her arms to get her shirt off. She still complained and held her hands to her ears, but those feet were playing, kicking at the water. No crying.
I trimmed her bangs. The last time the hairdresser cut her hair, she cried, big alligator, sad tears. When I got the scissors out, she politely refused, but then I asked again. I didn't do a great job. The last time I did it, I did better, but at least she can see without tilting her head back. The hairdresser can fix it at the end of the month. She just stood there and looked at me under those long bangs. No crying.
And then, when I said, "Let's brush teeth." She got out of bed and walked right into the bathroom. She patiently waited for me to get the toothbrush. I brushed for her for a minute, and then I asked her to do it. She tried and did a great job for her. She used to make such faces when I tried to bruch her teeth. She would clench her mouth shut, and yes even cry. Tonight, no crying.
(Okay, she ran from the nail clippers. Maybe I was pushing it? 3 out of 4 is great!) I just keep thinking about how difficult she made those things before. If she made them difficult, they must have been so very difficult for her. They must have felt so weird or actually hurt her. Maybe my prayers are being answered. I just can't stand to see her hurting, to see her crying. Tonight, it was better for her. No crying.
I think I am going to cry. Yep, I am. Crying.
Tonight, she walked into the bathroom, knowing that that she would take a shower. She walked in. She walked. I didn't have to drag her. It wasn't a fight. She walked in and lifted up her arms to get her shirt off. She still complained and held her hands to her ears, but those feet were playing, kicking at the water. No crying.
I trimmed her bangs. The last time the hairdresser cut her hair, she cried, big alligator, sad tears. When I got the scissors out, she politely refused, but then I asked again. I didn't do a great job. The last time I did it, I did better, but at least she can see without tilting her head back. The hairdresser can fix it at the end of the month. She just stood there and looked at me under those long bangs. No crying.
And then, when I said, "Let's brush teeth." She got out of bed and walked right into the bathroom. She patiently waited for me to get the toothbrush. I brushed for her for a minute, and then I asked her to do it. She tried and did a great job for her. She used to make such faces when I tried to bruch her teeth. She would clench her mouth shut, and yes even cry. Tonight, no crying.
(Okay, she ran from the nail clippers. Maybe I was pushing it? 3 out of 4 is great!) I just keep thinking about how difficult she made those things before. If she made them difficult, they must have been so very difficult for her. They must have felt so weird or actually hurt her. Maybe my prayers are being answered. I just can't stand to see her hurting, to see her crying. Tonight, it was better for her. No crying.
I think I am going to cry. Yep, I am. Crying.
Fire
Fire destroys Chelsea shopping center
http://chelseastandard.com/
http://video.ap.org/v/Legacy.aspx?g=385f9c7d-f45e-4e55-8bf6-5d14eb56d797&f=mipon&mk=en-ap&fg=copy
Watching the video, I took this opportunity to discuss with Hannah what she should NOT do.
1. If building is on fire, do not drive toward it.
2. If building is on fire, do not stand so close to watch.
Who are these people milling around? What are they thinking?
I saw 2 barns burn down. It's very scary and sad.
The neighbor's barn...I remember running down the side of the road. I stepped in slushy puddles and my feet were soaking wet, but I didn't really care. I wanted to be there. I'm sure that I could do nothing, but I wanted to know that no one was hurt.
My Uncle Harold's barn...darn sow kicked over a heat lamp. We joked, or maybe we were serious, that the air smelled of bacon cooking. My brother lost his pretty blue speed boat. My Uncle lost at least one antique Allis-Chalmers tractor. I'm sure other farm machinery too. I just don't remember the details. One of the Broderick girls drove in our driveway and honked to tell us that something was wrong. I'm pretty sure that I had to run all the way over there too. Everyone else drove and left too fast for me. I just remember that my Uncle Bob said he had tried to get in and save something, maybe the sow and piglets. And I just thought why did he try that? Doesn't he know how much more important he is? (The thing is...I'm not sure that he knew that, but that's another story.) I never saw him so upset. His face told a story of hopelessness that night. At least, it was the new barn that burned, and another soon replaced it and still stands on the same farm that is now my brother's.
http://chelseastandard.com/
http://video.ap.org/v/Legacy.aspx?g=385f9c7d-f45e-4e55-8bf6-5d14eb56d797&f=mipon&mk=en-ap&fg=copy
Watching the video, I took this opportunity to discuss with Hannah what she should NOT do.
1. If building is on fire, do not drive toward it.
2. If building is on fire, do not stand so close to watch.
Who are these people milling around? What are they thinking?
I saw 2 barns burn down. It's very scary and sad.
The neighbor's barn...I remember running down the side of the road. I stepped in slushy puddles and my feet were soaking wet, but I didn't really care. I wanted to be there. I'm sure that I could do nothing, but I wanted to know that no one was hurt.
My Uncle Harold's barn...darn sow kicked over a heat lamp. We joked, or maybe we were serious, that the air smelled of bacon cooking. My brother lost his pretty blue speed boat. My Uncle lost at least one antique Allis-Chalmers tractor. I'm sure other farm machinery too. I just don't remember the details. One of the Broderick girls drove in our driveway and honked to tell us that something was wrong. I'm pretty sure that I had to run all the way over there too. Everyone else drove and left too fast for me. I just remember that my Uncle Bob said he had tried to get in and save something, maybe the sow and piglets. And I just thought why did he try that? Doesn't he know how much more important he is? (The thing is...I'm not sure that he knew that, but that's another story.) I never saw him so upset. His face told a story of hopelessness that night. At least, it was the new barn that burned, and another soon replaced it and still stands on the same farm that is now my brother's.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Mad Libs for your ipod
1. Open up your favorite Music Player.
2. Put it on shuffle.
3. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
4. Write that song down no matter how silly it sounds.
My Answers...
If someone says "Is this okay?" you say:
I'm in Love Again
How would you describe yourself?
My Kind of Rain
What do you like in a guy/girl?
Magnet and Steel
How do you feel today?
The Long Day is Over
What is your life's purpose?
All the Love
What is your motto?
Super Freak
What do your friends think of you?
All By Myself
What do you think of your parents?
We are Family
What do you think about very often?
I'm a Believer
What is your wedding day going to be like?
Comfort Me
What do you think of your best friend?
Nicest Kids in Town
What do you think of the person you like?
Gotta Go My Own Way
What do you want to be when you grow up?
Australia
What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Crazy For You
What will you dance to at your wedding?
Ladies' Choice
What will they play at your funeral?
Open Arms
What is your biggest fear?
Freak Out
Biggest secret?
You're Still You
What do you think of your friends?
Sweet Home Alabama
What is the worst thing about life?
September
The best thing about life?
Alway On My Mind
The best thing about YOUR life?
Wise men say only fools rush in
Hannah's answers are way better than mine!
If someone says "Is this okay?" you say:
Our Song
How would you describe yourself?
Together
What do you like in a guy/girl?
SuperMan
How do you feel today?
Baltimore Crabs
What is your life's purpose?
All for one
What is your motto?
I got you babe
What do your friends think of you?
Thicker than Water
What do you think of your parents?
Ticks
What do you think about very often?
I can feel your heart beat
What is your wedding day going to be like?
It Takes two
What do you think of your best friend?
You ain't nothing but a hounddog crying all the time
What do you think of the person you like?
Come on Get Happy
What do you want to be when you grow up?
Work this out
What do you think of when you see the person you like?
One in a Life Time
What will you dance to at your wedding?
We are Family
What will they play at your funeral?
Yesterday
What is your biggest fear?
Welcome to the 60's
Biggest secret?
HollyWood
What do you think of your friends?
Hold On
What is the worst thing about life?
I Want a New Drug
The best thing about life?
Why Not?
The best thing about YOUR life?
My Baby Does the Hanky Panky
2. Put it on shuffle.
3. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
4. Write that song down no matter how silly it sounds.
My Answers...
If someone says "Is this okay?" you say:
I'm in Love Again
How would you describe yourself?
My Kind of Rain
What do you like in a guy/girl?
Magnet and Steel
How do you feel today?
The Long Day is Over
What is your life's purpose?
All the Love
What is your motto?
Super Freak
What do your friends think of you?
All By Myself
What do you think of your parents?
We are Family
What do you think about very often?
I'm a Believer
What is your wedding day going to be like?
Comfort Me
What do you think of your best friend?
Nicest Kids in Town
What do you think of the person you like?
Gotta Go My Own Way
What do you want to be when you grow up?
Australia
What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Crazy For You
What will you dance to at your wedding?
Ladies' Choice
What will they play at your funeral?
Open Arms
What is your biggest fear?
Freak Out
Biggest secret?
You're Still You
What do you think of your friends?
Sweet Home Alabama
What is the worst thing about life?
September
The best thing about life?
Alway On My Mind
The best thing about YOUR life?
Wise men say only fools rush in
Hannah's answers are way better than mine!
If someone says "Is this okay?" you say:
Our Song
How would you describe yourself?
Together
What do you like in a guy/girl?
SuperMan
How do you feel today?
Baltimore Crabs
What is your life's purpose?
All for one
What is your motto?
I got you babe
What do your friends think of you?
Thicker than Water
What do you think of your parents?
Ticks
What do you think about very often?
I can feel your heart beat
What is your wedding day going to be like?
It Takes two
What do you think of your best friend?
You ain't nothing but a hounddog crying all the time
What do you think of the person you like?
Come on Get Happy
What do you want to be when you grow up?
Work this out
What do you think of when you see the person you like?
One in a Life Time
What will you dance to at your wedding?
We are Family
What will they play at your funeral?
Yesterday
What is your biggest fear?
Welcome to the 60's
Biggest secret?
HollyWood
What do you think of your friends?
Hold On
What is the worst thing about life?
I Want a New Drug
The best thing about life?
Why Not?
The best thing about YOUR life?
My Baby Does the Hanky Panky
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Waiting by the phone...
I used to wait by the phone for a dude to call, now I wait for my daughter.
Hannah went to the bar last night. Okay...not really, it was more like karaoke at the bowling alley for a birthday party.
Thank God for cell phones and texting. What did parents do before texting? Last night, we must have texted one another 20 or so times back and forth about various things.
What was the birthday-girl's parent thinking? They did not even go to the bowling alley until close to 9 p.m.. I thought Hannah was texting to say that they were on the way home from there.
On her way to the bowling alley, I texted her, "What will you do if the adult with you takes a drink of alcohol?" Correctly answered, "I will text you so that you can come get us all." I did not htink that the adult would do that, but I just wanted to see what Hannah would say.
Another conversation:
Daughter: "Mom, what song should I sing?"
Mom: "Dancing Queen"
Daughter: "No, they will think it's weird."
Mom: "How about 867-5309?"
No reply. They ended up group-singing to two country songs that Hannah probably did not know all that well. I say...just wait until the movie Mamma Mia comes out, and all those girls will be saying how cool she is for knowing Abba!
I had to stay up until 11 p.m. wondering how in the world would I do this for the rest of my life? Wait up and worry about her. I want to follow her around at all times and make sure that she is safe and happy. When did she stop toddling around the furniture? I could keep her safe from sharp edges then. How can I keep her safe from sharp edges now? This is pre-dating. Oh man...just thinking about dating? I'm dizzy...need to go lie down, cold compress on forehead.
How did my Mother ever manage all those nights I went out and stayed out late?
Thanks goodness that my Sophie will stay home with me and not cause me such distress! (Talk about a silver lining on Sophie Storm!)
Hannah went to the bar last night. Okay...not really, it was more like karaoke at the bowling alley for a birthday party.
Thank God for cell phones and texting. What did parents do before texting? Last night, we must have texted one another 20 or so times back and forth about various things.
What was the birthday-girl's parent thinking? They did not even go to the bowling alley until close to 9 p.m.. I thought Hannah was texting to say that they were on the way home from there.
On her way to the bowling alley, I texted her, "What will you do if the adult with you takes a drink of alcohol?" Correctly answered, "I will text you so that you can come get us all." I did not htink that the adult would do that, but I just wanted to see what Hannah would say.
Another conversation:
Daughter: "Mom, what song should I sing?"
Mom: "Dancing Queen"
Daughter: "No, they will think it's weird."
Mom: "How about 867-5309?"
No reply. They ended up group-singing to two country songs that Hannah probably did not know all that well. I say...just wait until the movie Mamma Mia comes out, and all those girls will be saying how cool she is for knowing Abba!
I had to stay up until 11 p.m. wondering how in the world would I do this for the rest of my life? Wait up and worry about her. I want to follow her around at all times and make sure that she is safe and happy. When did she stop toddling around the furniture? I could keep her safe from sharp edges then. How can I keep her safe from sharp edges now? This is pre-dating. Oh man...just thinking about dating? I'm dizzy...need to go lie down, cold compress on forehead.
How did my Mother ever manage all those nights I went out and stayed out late?
Thanks goodness that my Sophie will stay home with me and not cause me such distress! (Talk about a silver lining on Sophie Storm!)
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Catholics...just some of my thoughts
"Catholics don't read the Bible." (Okay, Catholics can say this about themselves, but others should not.) I'm pretty sure some Catholics really do read and even study the Bible. I do not need to memorize the passages to keep them in my heart and live them in my day. But it's okay with me that others quote the Bible. When they do, I hope that they wonder, think, feel what it truly means.
Catholics confess their sins to God. Priests are mere messengers of forgiveness. If you have never confessed out loud in the presence of another, you do not understand the power and beauty of the act. But it's okay with me if others do not feel the need to have a witness to their penance.
What's with "When I confess my sins, it's a personal thing between me and God"? When Protestants are saved, don't they shout it out (just in the movies or does this really happen?) or at least go in front of the whole church to witness it? Hello??? You don't see the similarities for Catholics who want a witness to their penance? Again...hello?
A simplified example...you do something stupid to your husband. Of course, he knows that you are sorry, but it might feel a lot better if it's said out loud. "I'm sorry that I did this." "I forgive you." Very simple, yet powerful words.
On my Dad's deathbed, I held his hand, laid my forehead on his arm, and apologized for anything I had ever done to cause him worry or pain. I said it out loud and although he could not reply, I felt his forgiveness, because I knew it in my heart. However, I'd feel a lot better if I could have just heard the words aloud. It's not that I would have known for sure. I do know for sure that my Dad loved me and had already forgiven me.
Just as not all Muslims are terrorists, not all priests are molesters. I am so sick of this point among the disenchanted or the other-believers. I have known a few priests, none of whom were/are molesters. Unfortunately, there are many molesters who are not priests; they are people of all religions. Non-Catholics will say, "What's so special about priests? They are just men." But when these "just men" makes mistakes, they are held up as supposedly supposed-to-be-better. There's no excusing that type of terrible behavior. Just stop the double-talk. I want every article that talks about a molester who is NOT a priest to detail the religion of that person. (Obvious sarcasm here, but you get my point.)
I recently read an interesting article about Catholics and Protestants. It shed some light on some differences.
(Do Protestants call themselves Protestants, or do they call themselves Christians? Anyway...)
The article said that Catholics looked at things we know and understand so that we can understand things we don't know know. Our sacraments and symbols are real things. These things are real to us, because we know/believe that Jesus is real. (Obviously, I am not saying that Protestants do not think that Jesus is real.)
The article also said (something like) Protestants do not look at how physical and cultural things connect us to God, but they focus on man's sin and redemption by God's saving them. So, Protestants believe in an existential inner connection to God. While Catholics believe that God is working with us in this world. Basically, what the author was saying is that we see the world differently. If I recall right, the author said that Catholics want everyone to be one big, happy family no matter what religion they are, and Protestants want to be obedient to Christ. I have to say, that's been my experience for the most part. I don't think that there's anything wrong with being obedient to Christ. That's just not how I look at things; it's not my motivator.
The 2nd posting to my first blog back in September 2005 was:
A co-worker just made a comment about Catholic Nuns and how they are judgmental sticks-in-the-mud. (paraphrasing there.) The Catholic Nuns that I met through Siena are/were some of the most forward-thinking, compassionate, intelligent, dynamic individuals that I have ever met or probably ever will meet. They inspired true thinking and true justice.
So, can't we all be one, big, happy family?
Catholics confess their sins to God. Priests are mere messengers of forgiveness. If you have never confessed out loud in the presence of another, you do not understand the power and beauty of the act. But it's okay with me if others do not feel the need to have a witness to their penance.
What's with "When I confess my sins, it's a personal thing between me and God"? When Protestants are saved, don't they shout it out (just in the movies or does this really happen?) or at least go in front of the whole church to witness it? Hello??? You don't see the similarities for Catholics who want a witness to their penance? Again...hello?
A simplified example...you do something stupid to your husband. Of course, he knows that you are sorry, but it might feel a lot better if it's said out loud. "I'm sorry that I did this." "I forgive you." Very simple, yet powerful words.
On my Dad's deathbed, I held his hand, laid my forehead on his arm, and apologized for anything I had ever done to cause him worry or pain. I said it out loud and although he could not reply, I felt his forgiveness, because I knew it in my heart. However, I'd feel a lot better if I could have just heard the words aloud. It's not that I would have known for sure. I do know for sure that my Dad loved me and had already forgiven me.
Just as not all Muslims are terrorists, not all priests are molesters. I am so sick of this point among the disenchanted or the other-believers. I have known a few priests, none of whom were/are molesters. Unfortunately, there are many molesters who are not priests; they are people of all religions. Non-Catholics will say, "What's so special about priests? They are just men." But when these "just men" makes mistakes, they are held up as supposedly supposed-to-be-better. There's no excusing that type of terrible behavior. Just stop the double-talk. I want every article that talks about a molester who is NOT a priest to detail the religion of that person. (Obvious sarcasm here, but you get my point.)
I recently read an interesting article about Catholics and Protestants. It shed some light on some differences.
(Do Protestants call themselves Protestants, or do they call themselves Christians? Anyway...)
The article said that Catholics looked at things we know and understand so that we can understand things we don't know know. Our sacraments and symbols are real things. These things are real to us, because we know/believe that Jesus is real. (Obviously, I am not saying that Protestants do not think that Jesus is real.)
The article also said (something like) Protestants do not look at how physical and cultural things connect us to God, but they focus on man's sin and redemption by God's saving them. So, Protestants believe in an existential inner connection to God. While Catholics believe that God is working with us in this world. Basically, what the author was saying is that we see the world differently. If I recall right, the author said that Catholics want everyone to be one big, happy family no matter what religion they are, and Protestants want to be obedient to Christ. I have to say, that's been my experience for the most part. I don't think that there's anything wrong with being obedient to Christ. That's just not how I look at things; it's not my motivator.
The 2nd posting to my first blog back in September 2005 was:
A co-worker just made a comment about Catholic Nuns and how they are judgmental sticks-in-the-mud. (paraphrasing there.) The Catholic Nuns that I met through Siena are/were some of the most forward-thinking, compassionate, intelligent, dynamic individuals that I have ever met or probably ever will meet. They inspired true thinking and true justice.
So, can't we all be one, big, happy family?
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Cleaning & Organization
I've spent the weekend so far cleaning house and starting to organize for Spring! If I can maintain cleanliness of house today while making other strides, I would be happy. However, you might remember my younger daughter, Hurricane Sophie, who can destroy a clean home in a few stormy seconds. I think she's coming down with a cold, and so maybe she'll be a little more settled today. (I'm not hoping that she has a cold, because that would be bad. However, if she has one, I can take advantage of the effects.)
My goal today is finish organized the family room. I bought more shelves and put those together yesterday. Now, I need to go through 2 laundry baskets full of papers, etc. and toss, file, or do! I also want to go through my closet and dressers and donate to charity, hand down to my daughters, or throw away. Sometimes, purging feels so good.
My friend Stacey came over yesterday and retrieved some fabric. Next up...curtains for Sophie's room. I cannot wait to post a pic of them! I love the fabric!
The best cleaning I did yesterday...I had the windows open! Fresh air and sunlight are the absolute best cleaners and clearers ever. It clears the head too!
Okay...Sophie just poured bits of ricecakes all over the dining room floor. It's been about 5 minutes, I fearfully wonder what the kitchen looks like since she started out in there. Better go!
My goal today is finish organized the family room. I bought more shelves and put those together yesterday. Now, I need to go through 2 laundry baskets full of papers, etc. and toss, file, or do! I also want to go through my closet and dressers and donate to charity, hand down to my daughters, or throw away. Sometimes, purging feels so good.
My friend Stacey came over yesterday and retrieved some fabric. Next up...curtains for Sophie's room. I cannot wait to post a pic of them! I love the fabric!
The best cleaning I did yesterday...I had the windows open! Fresh air and sunlight are the absolute best cleaners and clearers ever. It clears the head too!
Okay...Sophie just poured bits of ricecakes all over the dining room floor. It's been about 5 minutes, I fearfully wonder what the kitchen looks like since she started out in there. Better go!
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Dirty Dozen
I asked a bunch of my friends to answer a dozen questions. Check out all the different answers! (Okay some of them will be vastly different, like question #1.)Just some fun! (My answers/comments are in orange!)
1. Where did we meet?
at work - PQ
ProQuest
ProQuest
At ProQuest...I liked you because you were nice enough to tell me that although Robin was being helpful, she often told newbies how she does things, and that I can feel free doing things the way I liked to. That was nice. :o)
School
I think the first time was at the JCPennys in Adrian.
SHU Alumni Stuff!
Your Mom's house
At my birth (Hannah's answer...I laughed my booty off!)
2. Take a stab at my middle name?
lots of the right answer with Ursula
Catherine (That's a good guess of a Catholic middle name!)
I see the "U" above, and as your alumni director, I should have known...
I was named after my Mother's best friend Mary Ursula DiMattia.
3. Do I smoke?
no and don't care for those who do
nope
Um, no. Really not.
That would be a big, fat "no!"
Definitely not!!!
no and neither should I
bleck - I hope not!
of course not
NO
My Dad smoked for so many years; I saw the pain and suffering it caused him and us.
4. Color of my eyes?
blue
greenish hazel
Green? Oh boy...I think I have that right.
Hmmm... hazel?
hazel
greenish brown
green???
blue
Bluish green
Blue...my eyes are blue!!! When are they green or brown or hazel??? Of course, I don't know anyone else's eye color other than mine, my brown-eyed sister, and my daughters blue eyes.
5. Do I have any siblings?
2 brothers & 1 sister
yes
Yes, you have a sister and brother, right?
Two brothers and a sister... (right??)
yes, 3
yes, 1 sister and 2 brothers, one of which I married.
A sister & a brother.
yes, a sister and two brothers
Yes
I see that too often I just say "my brother" instead of "one of my brothers".
6. What's one of my favorite things to do?
watch movies and go to Target - definitely, end-capping is the way to go
bug "a man who I refuse to name"(That's something I used to do, but haven't in a long, long time.)
lust after hot men - well, well...only construction workers on ladders
Watch fun movies with cute guys... (cute guys in the movies -- not watching them on the couch with you...) - I would not be opposed to cute guys on the couch with me.
Be with your kids - Definitely!
shop? - Hello!!! Of course, retail therapy is the best!
cannot say your favorite thing to do on here in case anyone reads it.... :-) - Everyone is a comedian!
Read - I used to spend all summer up a tree with a book.
Read - Read wins!
7. What's my favorite type of music?
country & the stuff on Doug - For those not in the area, DOug is a radio station.
you like a lot of different music
rock
Hmmm... anything upbeat and fun, or nostalgic
80's and country
not sure a little of country and rock?
country??
Josh Groban type
Old Rock
I do like a little bit of everything, but probably like 70s and 80s the best. From AC/DC to the Raspberries to the Go-Gos. Very eclectic.
8. Am I shy or outgoing?
pretend outgoing nature at first with people, but really a little reserved
duh….very outgoing
are both, depending on the setting
Pretty outgoing -- more so if you know the person pretty well
Outgoing, but can be shy at times
outgoing
Outgoing but not obnoxious.
outgoing
outgoing
Wow...an overwhelming vote for Outgoing? Actually, the first answer is probably the closest to truth. I was born shy. I learned to be outgoing if I had to be.
9. Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules?
follow the rules at work and where there would be repercussions, but when you know that you can get away with it, you don't abide by society's expectations.
again…duh
you follow the rules
You follow the rules -- unless you're defending the underdog or someone has done you wrong.
a little bit of both, but usually follows the rules
of course the rules
Follow the rules when they make sense.
you follow the rules but are outspoken at times
follow the rules
The truth is a blend of two answers = I follow the rules (unless I'm defending the underdog or someone has done someone I love wrong) + I follow the rules at work and where there would be undesirable consequences, but when I know that I can get away with it, I fly my own way.
10. Any special talents?
writing, witty, funny
none I can mention ;-)
SUPER MOM! And super Read Receipt lady.
You can fix anything... you're especially organized... you can keep up with the local gossip better than any 80 year old lady. :o) (I say that affectionately.)
very good at being patient with me and Sophie! (This answer is not from Hannah!)
raising your 2 girls on your own
apparently... LOL oh, and you are very funny and smart.
patience, patience & more patience
Being a Good Mother - from my Hannah!
Yeah, yeah, yeah...all good and noble, but my real special talent is popping my shoulders out of joint.
11. How many children do I have? 2 wonderful girls...okay, everyone got this one right! I went on a date with some dude once, and he didn't know that I had kids until the way back home. Yeah, he was icked out of contention right there.
12. If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what is one thing that I would bring?
poster of a cute boy like Vin Diesel or Tim Daly
snacks – and your target card (even though you couldn’t use it)
John Stamos with a Stephanie Plum book in his hand
Vin Diesel, an endless supply of venti skinny decaf no-whip caramel macchiato and your Burt's Bees
your chapstick
sun block
Your girls!
your ipod
Luke Danes from Gilmore Girls
All excellent choices...I'd have to bring it all!
1. Where did we meet?
at work - PQ
ProQuest
ProQuest
At ProQuest...I liked you because you were nice enough to tell me that although Robin was being helpful, she often told newbies how she does things, and that I can feel free doing things the way I liked to. That was nice. :o)
School
I think the first time was at the JCPennys in Adrian.
SHU Alumni Stuff!
Your Mom's house
At my birth (Hannah's answer...I laughed my booty off!)
2. Take a stab at my middle name?
lots of the right answer with Ursula
Catherine (That's a good guess of a Catholic middle name!)
I see the "U" above, and as your alumni director, I should have known...
I was named after my Mother's best friend Mary Ursula DiMattia.
3. Do I smoke?
no and don't care for those who do
nope
Um, no. Really not.
That would be a big, fat "no!"
Definitely not!!!
no and neither should I
bleck - I hope not!
of course not
NO
My Dad smoked for so many years; I saw the pain and suffering it caused him and us.
4. Color of my eyes?
blue
greenish hazel
Green? Oh boy...I think I have that right.
Hmmm... hazel?
hazel
greenish brown
green???
blue
Bluish green
Blue...my eyes are blue!!! When are they green or brown or hazel??? Of course, I don't know anyone else's eye color other than mine, my brown-eyed sister, and my daughters blue eyes.
5. Do I have any siblings?
2 brothers & 1 sister
yes
Yes, you have a sister and brother, right?
Two brothers and a sister... (right??)
yes, 3
yes, 1 sister and 2 brothers, one of which I married.
A sister & a brother.
yes, a sister and two brothers
Yes
I see that too often I just say "my brother" instead of "one of my brothers".
6. What's one of my favorite things to do?
watch movies and go to Target - definitely, end-capping is the way to go
bug "a man who I refuse to name"(That's something I used to do, but haven't in a long, long time.)
lust after hot men - well, well...only construction workers on ladders
Watch fun movies with cute guys... (cute guys in the movies -- not watching them on the couch with you...) - I would not be opposed to cute guys on the couch with me.
Be with your kids - Definitely!
shop? - Hello!!! Of course, retail therapy is the best!
cannot say your favorite thing to do on here in case anyone reads it.... :-) - Everyone is a comedian!
Read - I used to spend all summer up a tree with a book.
Read - Read wins!
7. What's my favorite type of music?
country & the stuff on Doug - For those not in the area, DOug is a radio station.
you like a lot of different music
rock
Hmmm... anything upbeat and fun, or nostalgic
80's and country
not sure a little of country and rock?
country??
Josh Groban type
Old Rock
I do like a little bit of everything, but probably like 70s and 80s the best. From AC/DC to the Raspberries to the Go-Gos. Very eclectic.
8. Am I shy or outgoing?
pretend outgoing nature at first with people, but really a little reserved
duh….very outgoing
are both, depending on the setting
Pretty outgoing -- more so if you know the person pretty well
Outgoing, but can be shy at times
outgoing
Outgoing but not obnoxious.
outgoing
outgoing
Wow...an overwhelming vote for Outgoing? Actually, the first answer is probably the closest to truth. I was born shy. I learned to be outgoing if I had to be.
9. Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules?
follow the rules at work and where there would be repercussions, but when you know that you can get away with it, you don't abide by society's expectations.
again…duh
you follow the rules
You follow the rules -- unless you're defending the underdog or someone has done you wrong.
a little bit of both, but usually follows the rules
of course the rules
Follow the rules when they make sense.
you follow the rules but are outspoken at times
follow the rules
The truth is a blend of two answers = I follow the rules (unless I'm defending the underdog or someone has done someone I love wrong) + I follow the rules at work and where there would be undesirable consequences, but when I know that I can get away with it, I fly my own way.
10. Any special talents?
writing, witty, funny
none I can mention ;-)
SUPER MOM! And super Read Receipt lady.
You can fix anything... you're especially organized... you can keep up with the local gossip better than any 80 year old lady. :o) (I say that affectionately.)
very good at being patient with me and Sophie! (This answer is not from Hannah!)
raising your 2 girls on your own
apparently... LOL oh, and you are very funny and smart.
patience, patience & more patience
Being a Good Mother - from my Hannah!
Yeah, yeah, yeah...all good and noble, but my real special talent is popping my shoulders out of joint.
11. How many children do I have? 2 wonderful girls...okay, everyone got this one right! I went on a date with some dude once, and he didn't know that I had kids until the way back home. Yeah, he was icked out of contention right there.
12. If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what is one thing that I would bring?
poster of a cute boy like Vin Diesel or Tim Daly
snacks – and your target card (even though you couldn’t use it)
John Stamos with a Stephanie Plum book in his hand
Vin Diesel, an endless supply of venti skinny decaf no-whip caramel macchiato and your Burt's Bees
your chapstick
sun block
Your girls!
your ipod
Luke Danes from Gilmore Girls
All excellent choices...I'd have to bring it all!
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