Taming of the Shrew-Mother

Right this second, I am listening to my 14-year-old daughter on the phone. With. A. Boy.

She's calm, cool, collected. She's sweet, yet sincere. She didn't break out in hives and jump up and down, giddy with terrified excitement.

She talked to this boy for more than 5 minutes...maybe even 10 whole minutes! From whom did she learn this talking-to-a-boy skill? Certainly not me. I can't think of things to say for longer than a minute or two. Men shrink away from conversations with me. I'm elephant-headed, spiritual and religious, and a Mom. Most men are liberal, naturalist/spiritualist, hoochy-boys. What would we say to one another?

Of course, before the boy called my daughter, she was trying to figure out what she would say to him when he did call her back. They've been talking for a couple of weeks now. And they have a movie-thing planned for a near-future Friday.

Should I just let this Lucentio-boy wisk away my Bianca-daughter? How do I stand idly by? Should I get her to a nunnery? Should I allow this movie-going? Should I drive her and her friend? Should I let another Mother drive them and show up at the same theater and sit behind them?

What do I do if she sees this boy for a long time? And what will I do when it doesn't work out? Forget about that baby manual that comes out at birth. Where, oh where, is the adolescent enchiridion, the minor manual, or even a juvenile journal? Should I lock her in the hay mow? Perhaps, I should, at least until my Petruchio shows up!

Hello...George!

George Clooney and his girlfriend have split up after a year of dating.

George, please, it's about time. You are old enough to be her father. Was she even allowed to watch TV when you were on Facts of Life in the 80s? There are so many available, beautiful, interesting, intelligent, hardworking, and mature women who would appreciate your company.

You can pick me up on Friday at 7 p.m. I'll be ready.

Waiting by the phone...

I used to wait by the phone for a dude to call, now I wait for my daughter.

Hannah went to the bar last night. Okay...not really, it was more like karaoke at the bowling alley for a birthday party.

Thank God for cell phones and texting. What did parents do before texting? Last night, we must have texted one another 20 or so times back and forth about various things.

What was the birthday-girl's parent thinking? They did not even go to the bowling alley until close to 9 p.m.. I thought Hannah was texting to say that they were on the way home from there.

On her way to the bowling alley, I texted her, "What will you do if the adult with you takes a drink of alcohol?" Correctly answered, "I will text you so that you can come get us all." I did not htink that the adult would do that, but I just wanted to see what Hannah would say.

Another conversation:
Daughter: "Mom, what song should I sing?"
Mom: "Dancing Queen"
Daughter: "No, they will think it's weird."
Mom: "How about 867-5309?"
No reply. They ended up group-singing to two country songs that Hannah probably did not know all that well. I say...just wait until the movie Mamma Mia comes out, and all those girls will be saying how cool she is for knowing Abba!

I had to stay up until 11 p.m. wondering how in the world would I do this for the rest of my life? Wait up and worry about her. I want to follow her around at all times and make sure that she is safe and happy. When did she stop toddling around the furniture? I could keep her safe from sharp edges then. How can I keep her safe from sharp edges now? This is pre-dating. Oh man...just thinking about dating? I'm dizzy...need to go lie down, cold compress on forehead.

How did my Mother ever manage all those nights I went out and stayed out late?

Thanks goodness that my Sophie will stay home with me and not cause me such distress! (Talk about a silver lining on Sophie Storm!)