Sometimes, I get so frustrated with all that I have to do, I just cuss out loud. I don't need anyone to come running and do anything. I just need to cuss. It varies, depending on my mood. I have some favorites...none of which are all that nice. Sometimes, it's just an argh! I'm going to try to switch is to something funny...maybe distracting, like Heavens to Murgatroyd?
Maybe it's stress-induced Tourette's?
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Monday, July 27, 2009
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Mommy's stress causes autism?
...the findings suggest that prenatal stress might have lingering effects on children's brain structures -- particularly those involved in language and verbal abilities. Read the rest of the article.
Stress is a cause for most anything that can go wrong in your body. If you look up any disease/illness, stress can be a precursor.
Was I stressed during my pregnancy with Sophie? Heck yeah.
My then-husband started cheating on me early on in that pregnancy. Although I didn't know that he was cheating, cheaters act differently, and I picked up on those changes. He came home later than usual, didn't help out around the house, etc. All of that added stress. He moved out of the house when I was about 6 months pregnant. More stress. Basically, he was a jerk.
So, was the stress I felt my fault for not handling it better? Or was it his fault for being the worst husband/dad in the universe? (Obviously, I know the answer!)
Stress is a cause for most anything that can go wrong in your body. If you look up any disease/illness, stress can be a precursor.
Was I stressed during my pregnancy with Sophie? Heck yeah.
My then-husband started cheating on me early on in that pregnancy. Although I didn't know that he was cheating, cheaters act differently, and I picked up on those changes. He came home later than usual, didn't help out around the house, etc. All of that added stress. He moved out of the house when I was about 6 months pregnant. More stress. Basically, he was a jerk.
So, was the stress I felt my fault for not handling it better? Or was it his fault for being the worst husband/dad in the universe? (Obviously, I know the answer!)
Monday, June 23, 2008
Spa Day!
I just went to the Spa on Friday, June 13! I took Hannah. We each had an aromatherapy massage, pedicure, manicure, and then a facial. It was a long day, but wonderful.
However, maybe I'm feeling down, because it's a rare event. I need to take the time to go more often. The facial was the best!
It was quite a costly endeavor. However, it was our "vacation"! And I thought that the environment would be better at work when I returned that Monday. However, it's still freezing! The wind has diminished, because there are fewer people using the wind tunnel behind me. The temperature is almost unbearable. I've brought in a blanket that keeps me warmer. The stress from the cold and the constant noise from the wind is totally unhealthy. It's too bad. I like the location. I just wish that someone in facilities would care.
However, maybe I'm feeling down, because it's a rare event. I need to take the time to go more often. The facial was the best!
It was quite a costly endeavor. However, it was our "vacation"! And I thought that the environment would be better at work when I returned that Monday. However, it's still freezing! The wind has diminished, because there are fewer people using the wind tunnel behind me. The temperature is almost unbearable. I've brought in a blanket that keeps me warmer. The stress from the cold and the constant noise from the wind is totally unhealthy. It's too bad. I like the location. I just wish that someone in facilities would care.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Where is the joy?
There's so much to do.
I'm going through the motions.
I go to work. I try to do as much as I can, but there is so much to do that sometimes I cannot get anything done. How do you prioritize a hundred things? It takes me weeks to complete things that I want to get done.
I'm at home. There is so much to do. I'd like to complete the things that are still on my Moving-In list after almost 5 years. How do I get those things done when I can barely keep the floors swept and do the laundry and pay the bills?
I visit friends. I love my kids, but when I take my kids along, I have nothing to say. I am so busy looking after them, how do I portray my usual witty self?
Where is the joy? Where is my joie de vivre? Where did it go?
I'm going through the motions.
I go to work. I try to do as much as I can, but there is so much to do that sometimes I cannot get anything done. How do you prioritize a hundred things? It takes me weeks to complete things that I want to get done.
I'm at home. There is so much to do. I'd like to complete the things that are still on my Moving-In list after almost 5 years. How do I get those things done when I can barely keep the floors swept and do the laundry and pay the bills?
I visit friends. I love my kids, but when I take my kids along, I have nothing to say. I am so busy looking after them, how do I portray my usual witty self?
Where is the joy? Where is my joie de vivre? Where did it go?
Monday, May 12, 2008
Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin'
People think that I don't like to hug. I love to hug.
If I were to cry, why would I want a hug? A hug would make me feel weak and make me cry harder...if I wasn't ready for it.
If I were in the privacy of my own home with someone I trusted or a hunky dude, then a hug would be good. My ex-dysfunction used to give me shoulder-time when I was upset. I liked shoulder-time. I loved it. I miss it. I'd like shoulder-time with a new man. Tenderness.
When my Dad walked me down the aisle, he patted my hand the whole way. I'm not sure if he was nervous or thought I was. Affection.
When my Dad died, I still remember the hugs from family and friends. I can still feel them, physically feel their arms around me. Comfort.
I get/give friendly hugs from/to friends I've known for 25 years. Those are nice. I trust those hugs. Trust.
The hugs when my Sister and her family are leaving after a visit are a way to hold onto them until the next visit. Kalli squeezes. Tyler pats my back. When I try to think of the description of my sister's hug, it hurts too much for words. Commitment.
I hug my daughters. True Love.
Today at work, some guy was talking to me and another woman. He said something about giving out free foot rubs, but how I wouldn't want one, because I don't like to be touched. Dude! What the French, Toast?
If anything, I tend to crave sensory input, like Sophie does. I love to get massages, manicures, pedicures. I'm not ticklish. I love to get my feet rubbed. I have a bumpy footstool at work so that I can take my shoes off and rub my own socked feet. It's a great stress-reliever.
However, to the point, and of course, I make light of it, because that's what I do. If some hottie were to give me a hug out of the blue when I was unprepared, I'd probably implode. Don't tease a girl with a sip of water when there's no well in sight. Seriously, I'd probably melt to the ground and cry in want of someone to hold me.
If I were to cry, why would I want a hug? A hug would make me feel weak and make me cry harder...if I wasn't ready for it.
If I were in the privacy of my own home with someone I trusted or a hunky dude, then a hug would be good. My ex-dysfunction used to give me shoulder-time when I was upset. I liked shoulder-time. I loved it. I miss it. I'd like shoulder-time with a new man. Tenderness.
When my Dad walked me down the aisle, he patted my hand the whole way. I'm not sure if he was nervous or thought I was. Affection.
When my Dad died, I still remember the hugs from family and friends. I can still feel them, physically feel their arms around me. Comfort.
I get/give friendly hugs from/to friends I've known for 25 years. Those are nice. I trust those hugs. Trust.
The hugs when my Sister and her family are leaving after a visit are a way to hold onto them until the next visit. Kalli squeezes. Tyler pats my back. When I try to think of the description of my sister's hug, it hurts too much for words. Commitment.
I hug my daughters. True Love.
Today at work, some guy was talking to me and another woman. He said something about giving out free foot rubs, but how I wouldn't want one, because I don't like to be touched. Dude! What the French, Toast?
If anything, I tend to crave sensory input, like Sophie does. I love to get massages, manicures, pedicures. I'm not ticklish. I love to get my feet rubbed. I have a bumpy footstool at work so that I can take my shoes off and rub my own socked feet. It's a great stress-reliever.
However, to the point, and of course, I make light of it, because that's what I do. If some hottie were to give me a hug out of the blue when I was unprepared, I'd probably implode. Don't tease a girl with a sip of water when there's no well in sight. Seriously, I'd probably melt to the ground and cry in want of someone to hold me.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Death is stressful
The woman who watches my kids during the summer is really a wonderful, caring person. She has the patience of Job. She told me that as long as she is doing day care that Sophie has a place with her. What a relief to me to have that security. Sophie and Hannah are loved there.
In the span of 47 days, Belinda has lost her Mother, Brother, Uncle and a Cousin. Her brother died on Christmas, and she'll bury her Mother on Valentine's Day.
She feels alone. I wish I knew what to do to help.
Whenever I think about my Dad's dying, I have these quick flashbacks of what different people did for me. Not even what they did, but where I saw them. Those moments are etchings in my soul. Those moments still bring me love.
Belinda called tonight to thank me for calling our mutual friend Debbie yesterday to ask her to sing at her Mother's funeral. That was the very least that I could do, and she was so appreciative.
I think it helps to know that others are there. If I could, I would take a little bit of her pain and have it as my own.
In the span of 47 days, Belinda has lost her Mother, Brother, Uncle and a Cousin. Her brother died on Christmas, and she'll bury her Mother on Valentine's Day.
She feels alone. I wish I knew what to do to help.
Whenever I think about my Dad's dying, I have these quick flashbacks of what different people did for me. Not even what they did, but where I saw them. Those moments are etchings in my soul. Those moments still bring me love.
Belinda called tonight to thank me for calling our mutual friend Debbie yesterday to ask her to sing at her Mother's funeral. That was the very least that I could do, and she was so appreciative.
I think it helps to know that others are there. If I could, I would take a little bit of her pain and have it as my own.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Relationships: Right or Right?
How much easier it is to be critical than to be correct. - Benjamin Disraeli
Some people just like to argue for arguing's sake. If everyone involved is okay with this, than it's great fun, like a debate, flirting, foreplay.
However, sometimes the easy, criticial way is abuse. No matter what the abused says or does, the abuser criticizes and belittles. Is it a cycle? More than likely the abuser was also abused in a previous relationship, maybe by a parent or a spouse. I say, grow up and break the cycle. Why would making someone else feel bad make yourself feel better? How do people not see that they are doing that? That they are creating sadness, madness, badness.
It is hard to see this happening to a friend. To see her beaten emotionally and mentally down until she has little self-confidence or self-esteem left. To see her stress levels so high that she is at the brink of tears at all times.
Relationships are not about being right or wrong, but being right. Right is trusting, building up, loving. Having faith in one another is goodness.
Some people just like to argue for arguing's sake. If everyone involved is okay with this, than it's great fun, like a debate, flirting, foreplay.
However, sometimes the easy, criticial way is abuse. No matter what the abused says or does, the abuser criticizes and belittles. Is it a cycle? More than likely the abuser was also abused in a previous relationship, maybe by a parent or a spouse. I say, grow up and break the cycle. Why would making someone else feel bad make yourself feel better? How do people not see that they are doing that? That they are creating sadness, madness, badness.
It is hard to see this happening to a friend. To see her beaten emotionally and mentally down until she has little self-confidence or self-esteem left. To see her stress levels so high that she is at the brink of tears at all times.
Relationships are not about being right or wrong, but being right. Right is trusting, building up, loving. Having faith in one another is goodness.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Countdown to Vegas
12 hours to go...I'm packed. All I have to do is get up, shower, and put whatever I have to use in the morning into the travel bag into the suitcase. And then wait for Skip to pick me up. Okay, I do have to do the dishes in the morning when I get up...Don't feel like doing the dishes tonight. The only thing I wasn't able to do today is get Sophie in the shower. She'll just have to be dirty next week. I did my best. Her clothes are picked out for the week. Her lunches are packed. Her backpack is ready for Tuesday. I wrote a list of ingredients for her backpack so that nothing gets forgotten on Wednesday and Thursday. All laundry is done. I went to church. I went grocery shopping...in no way will this house run out of rice cakes or yogurt before I return. I straightened and cleaned every room, but the family room. I vacuumed...not that you could tell now.
All this might be worth it...if I meet my Tom Jones! Otherwise, not so much. Too stressful to leave my family and home.
~~~~~~~
2 hours, 40 minutes to go until I'm picked up for the airport. Dishes half done. Family Room straightened enough. Washed some blankets too. Drinking coffee. Just need to jump in shower after dishes. Grandma will be here at 9 a.m. to watch/get/take responsibility for my girls. (Sophie won't want to come home after spending so much time at Grandma's!) Weather clear here over to Vegas. It's 33 degrees in Vegas right now with a high of 53 expected at 3 p.m. Pretty much that's the weather for this week. I guess that's better than a real feel temperature of minus 14 degrees right now and a high in the 20s! I hope I packed right and enough.
All this might be worth it...if I meet my Tom Jones! Otherwise, not so much. Too stressful to leave my family and home.
~~~~~~~
2 hours, 40 minutes to go until I'm picked up for the airport. Dishes half done. Family Room straightened enough. Washed some blankets too. Drinking coffee. Just need to jump in shower after dishes. Grandma will be here at 9 a.m. to watch/get/take responsibility for my girls. (Sophie won't want to come home after spending so much time at Grandma's!) Weather clear here over to Vegas. It's 33 degrees in Vegas right now with a high of 53 expected at 3 p.m. Pretty much that's the weather for this week. I guess that's better than a real feel temperature of minus 14 degrees right now and a high in the 20s! I hope I packed right and enough.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Humpty Dumpty...back on the wall?
Sometimes, I feel like Humpty Dumpty. I get up on the wall. I fall. The king's things cannot put me back together, but I put myself back together and climb back up on the wall. Lo and behold...someone or something knocks me down again. What holds me together is that I keep getting back up. Since I've gotten back up before, I know that I'll do it again...climb back up. Even though things happen that I knew would happen and wished wouldn't happen for a long time, they happen and knock me out.
What, you ask? Well, that I am reading nursery rhymes (Humpty Dumpty is one) to my 9-year-old daughter and her Aunt Flo. Autism sometimes adds a layer of stress that makes climbing the wall a slippery slope.
What, you ask? Well, that I am reading nursery rhymes (Humpty Dumpty is one) to my 9-year-old daughter and her Aunt Flo. Autism sometimes adds a layer of stress that makes climbing the wall a slippery slope.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
An ostrich with a computer, finding a penny in the bathtub
I am so busy and so behind with anything and everything that I just want to crawl in bed and cover my head. Why can't I be an ostrich?
I'd like to just delete all my work emails and start from scratch. Do you think that I could get away with it? Maybe some tech guy could make my computer crash so that I could legitimately use that excuse.
I found a penny in a parking lot this morning, and I picked it up. When, oh when, will it kick into gear and make things happen? I had it in my shoe, but I just put it on my phone. C'mon phone, ring with a customer who wants to spend $85,000-$200,000!
I cannot even say, "Calgon, take me away" because that would conjure about the chore of how I need to clean the tub!
See, how random my thoughts are. I cannot focus as there are too many things racing through my mind.
I'd like to just delete all my work emails and start from scratch. Do you think that I could get away with it? Maybe some tech guy could make my computer crash so that I could legitimately use that excuse.
I found a penny in a parking lot this morning, and I picked it up. When, oh when, will it kick into gear and make things happen? I had it in my shoe, but I just put it on my phone. C'mon phone, ring with a customer who wants to spend $85,000-$200,000!
I cannot even say, "Calgon, take me away" because that would conjure about the chore of how I need to clean the tub!
See, how random my thoughts are. I cannot focus as there are too many things racing through my mind.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Snow Days
I'm awake early waiting to hear if schools will be closed today. So far just Ida in Monroe County. This morning, I'm thinking...hoping...that the roads are okay. I need to get to work, as you know it's the busy time of year. I have 2 contracts in and 8 contracts out. Those 10 won't even get me close to my goal, but I have to keep trying. I also need to get to the post office to mail a case verification package to Friend of Court. Such grown-up things!
(Already another school closed in Monroe.)
I read/heard somewhere that adults do not call themselves grown-ups. How did I get to this grown-up place? I must not be an adult yet as I do not feel like one of them. I look at people just 10 years older than I am, and they seem so old! (Shhh! Do not tell them I said that!) Am I going to act like them before I know it?
Remember when...we wished for a snow day. I remember that jubilant feeling of nothingness. When my Mom came in and wiggled my foot, and did not say, "time to get up," but said, "snow day - no school," I remember that feeling of happiness, relief, no anxiety for things that needed to get done. It was complete dispensation from your day, your responsibilities. A day off without guilt or regret. It was a day of sleeping in, hot chocolate, reading by the picture window, playing in the snow with your snowsuit, warming up by the oven, playing barbies and cards, just doing whatever you pleased.
Oh...to have a day without responsibility for everything, for the snow to wash away the stressy-sky and to cover the guilty-ground and to make it all pretty and bright and happy without a care in the world. That's a snow day!
(Already another school closed in Monroe.)
I read/heard somewhere that adults do not call themselves grown-ups. How did I get to this grown-up place? I must not be an adult yet as I do not feel like one of them. I look at people just 10 years older than I am, and they seem so old! (Shhh! Do not tell them I said that!) Am I going to act like them before I know it?
Remember when...we wished for a snow day. I remember that jubilant feeling of nothingness. When my Mom came in and wiggled my foot, and did not say, "time to get up," but said, "snow day - no school," I remember that feeling of happiness, relief, no anxiety for things that needed to get done. It was complete dispensation from your day, your responsibilities. A day off without guilt or regret. It was a day of sleeping in, hot chocolate, reading by the picture window, playing in the snow with your snowsuit, warming up by the oven, playing barbies and cards, just doing whatever you pleased.
Oh...to have a day without responsibility for everything, for the snow to wash away the stressy-sky and to cover the guilty-ground and to make it all pretty and bright and happy without a care in the world. That's a snow day!
Monday, November 19, 2007
concern = burden = prayer
Any concern too small to be turned into a prayer is too small to be made into a burden.
-Corrie ten Boom
I am lighthearted today! It's been a long time since I was so on a Monday morning.
Sophie woke up cranky, but went into school fine.
I stopped at Target to return a pair of a shoes, the gazillionth that I have gotten for my Mom to try. And I found two Christmas presents for the girls...on sale!
People drive with their lights off and pull out in front of me, but I made it to work safely.
Small concerns...sometimes add up and seem unmanageable. So, keep them small, take care of them, manage them, and they cannot become a burden. These things that add up are not worth it.
Crankiness, errands, idiots = not worth the concern
-Corrie ten Boom
I am lighthearted today! It's been a long time since I was so on a Monday morning.
Sophie woke up cranky, but went into school fine.
I stopped at Target to return a pair of a shoes, the gazillionth that I have gotten for my Mom to try. And I found two Christmas presents for the girls...on sale!
People drive with their lights off and pull out in front of me, but I made it to work safely.
Small concerns...sometimes add up and seem unmanageable. So, keep them small, take care of them, manage them, and they cannot become a burden. These things that add up are not worth it.
Crankiness, errands, idiots = not worth the concern
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