Where is the joy?

There's so much to do.

I'm going through the motions.

I go to work. I try to do as much as I can, but there is so much to do that sometimes I cannot get anything done. How do you prioritize a hundred things? It takes me weeks to complete things that I want to get done.

I'm at home. There is so much to do. I'd like to complete the things that are still on my Moving-In list after almost 5 years. How do I get those things done when I can barely keep the floors swept and do the laundry and pay the bills?

I visit friends. I love my kids, but when I take my kids along, I have nothing to say. I am so busy looking after them, how do I portray my usual witty self?

Where is the joy? Where is my joie de vivre? Where did it go?

Whether to weather the weather

Just yesterday I had lunch with a woman who also knows my sister and her family. Jennifer said how great and happy I seemed. I told her that I would be completely happy if my sister and her family would just move back to Michigan.

I've spent the last few nights up watching the radar and checking the Lawrence Journal website for tornado news. Once the storm moves through, then I go to bed. Tonight, the Lawrence Journal says just rain now, but the front still hasn't gone through where my nephew lives. And so I wait. I know that they will be fine, but I just feel better waiting. I cannot imagine their wait for the storm to pass.

The storms here seem like puddles compared to the oceans of a storm that they get.

Windows Vista...no hope on its horizon

I am not a computer-idiot. People come to me at work with their computer questions. I am not afraid to try things to see what works.

I have never been so frustrated with a computer as I have with the Wild Boar! (New Dell computer named by my brother, not by me.) I love the hardware and most of its guts. It's fast, but Windows Vista is making me furious. I tried to download a firewall and antivirus program. The same stuff worked on my antiquated Dell (named Dellbert), and it worked beautifully. My brother has used it on other computers and recommended it to others. Vista won't let me connect to the internet if I am running this firewall. Well, I guess it's definitely a wall then.

I even went to the iolo website to look for something to do to fix it. Lo and behold, I found something. Do you think that Vista would let it work.? No.

I must have called my brother 10 times.

Bill Gates...go back to the drawing board. Simplify. Vista sucks.

Little girls...make me want to cry

Sophie got a haircut last week. She did not cry or scream for the first time in years.
I want to cry.



















Sophie went to church with me for the 6th week in a row.
I want to cry.

Sophie covered her mouth when she yawned.
I want to cry.

Sophie did not cry during or after her shower.
I want to cry.

Hannah also got a haircut, and she looks 16 years old!
I want to cry.

It's a bird. It's a plane. It's Sister Siena!

This is a Nun. This is a Super-Nun. This is a Super-Nun at Siena.

To be inspired, read and see what she's up to in the new R(e)flections magazine. (I used to edit the Reflections magazine, back in the younger day 18 years or so ago!)

Sister Pat started teaching at Siena sometime while I was a student. After watching the video, I know that she's the same vibrant, caring, action heroine that I remember after (that's right!) 20 years. Seeing her and listening to her just now brought me home to Siena.

Competent, purposeful, ethical.

She epitomizes it. The best that I can do...try to live it in my own way. I am competent to the best of my ability. I try to be purposeful, although at times I am lazy, but in a recuperative way. I am ethical - no doubt (not the band, but the sentiment).

Sister Pat does good work. She has staying power at Siena and in my memory.

Hello...George!

George Clooney and his girlfriend have split up after a year of dating.

George, please, it's about time. You are old enough to be her father. Was she even allowed to watch TV when you were on Facts of Life in the 80s? There are so many available, beautiful, interesting, intelligent, hardworking, and mature women who would appreciate your company.

You can pick me up on Friday at 7 p.m. I'll be ready.

How a brain functions...autism?

Jill Bolte Taylor got a research opportunity few brain scientists would wish for: She had a massive stroke, and watched as her brain functions -- motion, speech, self-awareness –- shut down one by one. An astonishing story.

http://www.ted.com/talks/view/id/229

(available at www.TED.com)

I've watched this video two times already today, and I'll probably watch it several more times. My brother Greg sent the link to me. Sometimes, he sends me scary and weird things, but this one is a gem. I started to watch it and called my 13-year-old into the room to watch it with me. I asked my Mother to watch it. (I think she was slightly skeptical and that it made her sad.) I sent the link to some family/friends and to teachers of my 9-year-old daughter who has autism.

My intent was to show a glimpse into my daughter's head. Here, in the video, an educated adult explains how hard it is to think when there's been a trauma to your brain (in the scientist's case, a stroke; in Sophie's case, vaccine damage). She also explains vividly how each hemisphere thinks differently.

I think that my autie-girl thinks in some of those same ways.

Even though I shared the link with others, the video is still in my head. I just really needed to pick it apart and talk more about it. So, I'm watching it again, and making notes here. My comments in italics.

Jill the scientist's interest stemmed from her brother's schizophrenia. She said that he could not connect his dream into reality.

People say that autistics live in their own worlds.

Jill says that the two sides of the brain are completely separate, but communicate. They process things differently; they have different personalities.

Autistics process ideas differently than non-autistics.

The right hemisphere is about right here and now. It learns through our bodies, movement, energy. Our senses!

Sophie learns best by doing, not being being told how to do something. She wants things now, when she wants them. Patience was not easy, but she has learned to have some.

The left hemisphere thinks linearly, about the past and the future. It takes the collage of the present moment and organizes it.

Sophie needs time to process and organize all those floating details.

The left side thinks in language.

Sophie thinks in pictures.

It's the voice that says I am separate from the world and others in it.

Sophie thinks that we are here to serve her, that we should know what she wants, what she is thinking.

Jill describes the way that she viewed her body during the beginning of her stroke. Her reality had shifted that she was part of some larger space, that she is moving in slow motion, that she lost her balance, that she cannot define the boundaries of her body. Her body was blended with inanimate space.

Sophie does not have good control over her large motor skills or her fine motor skills. She is strong, but does not know her own strength. (I think that Bambam from the Flintstones was autistic.) She can run fast, but might stumble. It's taken years, but she can use scissors. She cannot color within the lines though.

Jill was, at one point, in her silent mind, but was captivated by the energy around her.

Sophie loves the world around, maybe because she sees herself as part of it, a fast car ride on a sunny day filled with shadows, a blustery day of leaves twirling and twittering, the chaos of books, movies, toys, blankets, scarves scattered haphazardly about her room, and her favorite... the twirl and glimmer of beads as they extend from her hand in the most creative and natural way.

Jill said the right side sees/feels euphorically.

Autistics sometimes laugh and giggle and get excited for no apparent reason that a non-autistic can detect.

It Jill 45 minutes to figure out how to call her office for help.

Autistics need time to process.

When Jill woke up at the hospital, her sensory system was overloaded. Light burned her eyes. Sounds were so loud that she could not pick out a specific voice. She couldn't identify her body in the space.

I think that sometimes, Sophie becomes overloaded. She squeezed her eyes shut tight. She covers her ears. She consistently requests that I rub her arms and legs. Maybe so she knows where they are?

Thinking with the right side is peaceful.

Autistics do not lie or cheat.

If you could choose how your brain functioned, which side would be dominant?